Friend who is confused about his sexuality

When I met one of my closest friends 4 years ago in college, he was in a serious relationship with his girlfriend. That relationship lasted three more years (5 total), and I never suspected that he was anything but straight nor that there may be anything wrong with his relationship. They shared an apartment together and she came with him to all sorts of events with our classmates. They might not have been "madly in love," but they seemed happy.

Almost a year ago, one of his (gay) friends was visiting and he randomly invited me to join them at an area gay bar, and long-story-short, it was pretty obvious by the end of the night that he was anything but strictly straight. He told his girlfriend how he felt soon after and she broke up with him within a couple weeks.

When he first came out to me, he identified as bi. We didn't really talk about the matter again until a few months ago. At that time, he considered himself bi with a same sex leaning, but that he had still loved his girlfriend. Now he says that he is confused whether he is truly bisexual or is just gay and just made himself believe that he was attracted to his girlfriend out of a need to be normal.

He has brought this up many times lately, and I think he would appreciate my help, I'm just not sure how to go about it. I think he feels he needs to figure this out before he can move on with his life and/or before he starts another relationship. I think it's also important to him before he comes out to his family. They are very strictly religious and might not support him in a same-sex relationship if there was a chance that he might find a girl attractive again in the future.

Any thoughts on what I can do for him or where he might stand?

 

That's what the other friend says (that he's basically gay), and he's known him many years longer than I have. But I have a hard time understanding how he could be in a relationship for five years, and live with her for three, if there wasn't some attraction or feelings there. If there wasn't, what was driving it? Certainly it seems like she would notice something was lacking? I'm having trouble with that part.

Granted he spent the last two years deeply depressed, because he wasn't getting what he needed from that relationship and wasn't able to be the person he wanted to be (which unfortunately I didn't know about until more recently). Just because he was unsatisfied and has stronger attractions to guys doesn't mean that he can't be a little bisexual, right?

I am concerned that he is leaning toward identifying as gay just because it will be easier than accepting himself as bisexual. Regarding his parents, they may not accept him either way, but he has said that he is afraid that if he comes out as bi they (and anyone else that he comes out to) will just ask why he doesn't just continue to date girls. If he really is more strongly attracted to men than women, it may not make much difference, but I am worried he will be just as unhappy trying to fit into a mold that still doesn't account for all of him.