just wanted to post real quick here to get it off my chest. I, too, am married, 5 years next month, we even moved across the country together 4 years ago and are quite isolated in a small town, but happy with lots of animals (out in the countryside). We have been sort of emotionally pulling apart the past few years, we are each other's best friend as we know only a few people such as on the fire department as we are also volunteers, so we have some really great friends, but not the sort you can, you know, unload things with. I have not had a close friend in many years, so we drawn together, get along like when going shopping in town or to a movie. Anyway, about a year and a half ago I had to take my new kitten to the vet, emergency, so mine was closed and tried this other one, since it was the first to let us come in. The dr. is about my age, her energy is just amazing so I knew I was drawn to her right away, so I went back one more time for the follow up on the kitten and I was smitten, so I didn't go back, even after I dreamed of her, so I even got taken off the mailing list so I wouldn't see her photo at the bottom of the emails so as not to encourage that yearning again. I would have dated girls in highschool had it been cool in the 90's, even the gay girls weren't out yet then and dating boys, but the girls I had crushes on weren't them anyway, so I just figured it wasn't crushes, but just admiring. You know, like Angeline Jolie, I mean she is sooo hot, but I have never met her, just wish I could be sexy looking as her I think and heplful for those in need or successful. My vet crush is different, sure I admire her, but she is cute in a different way, its her aura or her energy, my heart chakra flutters when she is around. I had been in a relationship from the time I was 16-21 with guys, broke up with two and remained single without even more than maybe 2 dates in 5 years. In that time I tried to do some online dating, dated one girl for about 3 days, but she was into this other straight girl, who of course showed more interest (fake) once I came around out of the usual jealousy. I like to be friends first before dating, even if it is talking on the phone or playing games online before meeting. I even got a huge crush on the librarian, even saw her every Monday, to borrow cds, then came out to 4 of my friends that also lived in that town. The girl I liked never knew and i think she was seeing another girl before I got the courage to ask her out, so I finally sorta gave up, but wanted one of my friends to sorta go with me to these lgbt meetings in the next town, or at least to this bookstore just to check it out, I was totally shy in my twenties, but better if a friend was around. My friends that I told immediately thought I was attracted to them and backed away from our friendship, some resurfaced again once I got married and are more comfortable talking to my husband than me as they are also now his friends. They aren't flirty with him or anything, I guess I am type B and most ppl are type A personality. My own family sort of abandoned me, mom's into drugs and dads side way bad into alcohol, they all felt once I got married I had a new family now, my gramma even said this to me when I was trying to get advice about my mom calling me 2 weeks bfore the wedding to tell me I am a child of teh devil and she hates me. Anyway, what this means is I have my husband here in CA, a few aquaintances on the fire department, and his family back in the Midwest for mild support. I have lots of my old friends on facebook, but if I ever really did 'come out' that would be it, no more anybody but her. Well, I get an email for the first time from a guy interested in me, I had known his mom years before, we emailed, talked and he always returned my calls, wanted to meet and so we did and I was no longer alone for the first time in 5 years, now we are married and he is very kind, lets me yell about nothing, does chores, buys me stuffed animals the whole bit, but we are already out of things to talk about, we have fun watching movies, but talking even about daily stuff is just about out of the question and certainly not our futre, he hates that for some reason, when we had a great bonding planning our wedding and the big 3500 mile move, huge adventures. So, I tried, I have kissed 2 girls and loved it, always dreamed of more and never found it, now this girl is in my life at least as long as I have sick pets or they need vaccines, I love every moment I can look at her, talk to her. She is just a normal girl that is a veterinarian, well I am pretty 90% sure she is into girls, even my husband mentioned that out of the blue one day. I told him I dreamed her and I were friends, and you know how that feeling sticks, he knows I am lonely of a girl to talk to and hangout with and actually encourages me to 'ask her out' he likes that I have a girl crush, but little does he know, since of course I have never told him of dating a girl or the previous girl crushes.. The sad thing is his mom left his dad for a woman so there is no way possible to talk to him, he won't even talk about the dog being sick other than we have to take her at such and such time, he used to talk and be close and now we arent but now that she is around in my mind, we don't fight, but I can feel how it isnt just me feeling the loss of closeness or because of feelings that have just begun to again bud. But, I dreamed also she was over and left me her number and address and I was excited she liked me too. I hope she can like me, I don't know what it will do to my life, but what I am saying is I am not going to leave my husband to date girls, I tried to do that, but I totally believe in connections, that my heart sores when she looks at me. When she had to tell me my dog is very sick I started crying, sorta stopped the flirting I had been oozing as we talked about my guinea pig (he is fine). She never left as most ppl would do, she waited, then handed me some tissues and sat down on the floor with me and my dog to tell me what we can do and was so sympathetic with her advice (my husband was out of town that week for work). I was already infatuated with her before this, its like the dream unlocked damns of emotion and all I wanted to do on that last visit was give her my chapbook of poetry that I hand out sometimes and some business cards so maybe she would find me. I found her on an fb but she doesn't appear to really use it, so I am afraid to try and friend her. I wonder if that is ok, to be friends with your pets dr, I dont see why not, I was when I lived back home. Anyway, how do I somehow start a friendship with her? I am not going to like blurt anything about having a crush, but we have things in common outside of pets and being the same age, we both like scifi fantasy and it is hard to find a girl into that stuff. Maybe later on her and I might develop something more then I will have a lot more to figure out, but all I want to figure out now is how to like go shopping or have coffee with her or meet up for a yoga class or something, but I have no idea how to ask and people here in NorCal are different than the Midwest, so many taboos, they don't like getting close or giving hugs and if you try to ask someone you don't know out for coffee it is probably seen as creepy. I mean I am already weird to people out here, what with my accent and different way of saying or doing things I guess. I am totally willing to take everything slow with her and not jump to conclusions like in my twenties and uproar my life, but to be more gentle with things. I genuinely want to be friends first, I don't even know enough about her to know if I can truly like her as much as I do, well she obviously loves animals and so do I! On the next visit, for my dogs surgery which she ended up not doing as she figured out it is no use and my doggie has only a few weeks left or months maybe. She even will do a housecall for doggies last day Anyway, before we figured that out and things were happy and hopeful, I did hand her my chapbook of poetry, and an Ostara or Easter egg with candy, she had a huge smile and said something nice. My husband was proud of me, and mentioned that she lit up when I handed her the little gift. Well, I am an artist and writer so now she has my business cards, maybe she will like my artwork or something. I take the guinea pig in Friday for his hopefully last x-rays his leg should be healed, but I will have what, 7 minutes with her, I mean it is her job and I am married so how to break the ice more and make friends? Ball in in her court I guess!
