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Too soon? Advice please

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Equalist, Apr 18, 2014.

  1. Equalist

    Equalist Guest

    I posted about a situation two days ago about a guy I was really growing to like cutting me off because of distance. So I've been dealing with the whole ordeal for two days now (I know, not even that long), and I find myself desperate for some sort of interaction with a guy. I was honestly just so excited to finally meet this guy and potentially grow closer that my heart has really just dropped. I've never experienced anything like this, and I've never had a boyfriend, or done anything sexual with a guy before.

    In my desperate state that I still consider to be in, I have resorted to going back to apps, which is where I met the guy I was talking to. And well, a guy at my school has gotten into contact with me via one of the apps, and I think he's pretty cute, and he's certainly interested in me. He kind of asked me on a date for some time next week, Tuesday or Wednesday, and I accepted. What I'm worried about is that I really would like to go on this date, but I'm afraid I may treat him unfairly. I'm not over this other guy, and I'm not sure when I will be, but I still think about him almost all day. In other words, I still am viewing him as my ideal guy only because that's how it was for about three weeks, and it only grew stronger day by day, and since he cut me off without warning, I'm still just in shock and so much pain. I really really do want to get over him, and I feel like meeting other guys would allow me to do this, but I'm also afraid I won't be in the right mindset.

    To be very honest, I'm looking more to experiment. The guy I was talking to told me that along with distance being a problem, I need to experiment to become more comfortable with myself. And I agree, I do think I should experiment and not save it for a relationship. I'm not sure what this new guy has in mind for our date, but he has contacted me before which seemed to be more for a hookup. This new conversation we had though was nothing like the last one, and rather than asking me to come over for fun, he asked me out on a date just to meet. I want to be honest with him, but I also don't want to scare him away. In addition, I'm afraid that I'll subconsciously compare him to the other guy because I'm still not over him.

    So yeah, I really do want to go on this date and get over the old guy, but I don't know if it's the best idea. If the date goes well, should I tell him everything and that I want to experiment? What I want most is to get over this guy; it's hurting me in almost every aspect and I hate it, I've never felt this terrible.
     
  2. ChristianHipstr

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    I've been in this position before... Except rather than cut me off for distance, he cut me off for reasons unknown. My first ever relationship, which still led to no experimenting, was a decent distance away, and he didn't drive, so it was hard on us (by "us" I mean me, he didn't seem to get that). I longer for someone closer, more mature, and actually my type to give it a go with. Welll.. I also resorted to apps. I met a guy, only lived maybe 15 minutes away, and we really hit it off. We had a lot in common, and were obviously in a decent proximity. After days of talking, he cut me off without reason. Do this day I still don't know why, and for a while, I was deeply hurt. It was around valentines day too, so that didn't help.

    Although I haven't had an opportunity to meet someone from school on one, I can help you get over it. I'm going to sound harsh, but I have a really blunt friend who helped me.

    Get over it. He's gone. You can have better. He abandoned you. Don't hate him, but rather only view him as a learning experience. You know what you want and don't want now.

    That being said, I'm a spiritual person, and I truly believe that God is telling you (and in my case, me) that it wasn't meant to be. Trust me, the distance would have been harsh. Even if it's only 45 mins- 1 hour, it's hard to make up excuses and get gas money (assuming either one of you drives) to see each other. And plus maybe that guy wasn't as good as you thought. You never knew the true him, all of him, and you don't know what kind of person he completely was. You have more of an romanticized version of him portrayed by your desires of a perfect guy.

    Keep all this in mind on your date with the more recent guy, which I highly recommend going on. Don't fret about him not wanting to explore new experiences YET. He will eventually if all goes well, and it will mean so much more. Do those things with someone you love, whether they're more experienced or not, everyone is different and you'll always learn new things about people. Go out with this guy and instead of comparing him to your romanticized image of the latter man, treat yourself as a clean slate. See what he has that you liked in the last guy, and know that its 100 times better now because he's actually there and obviously interested :slight_smile: And y'all will grow to a physical relationship. Don't rush into it.

    All that being said, I hoped I helped.. This is all the information I've needed in past times. Good luck!
     
  3. Equalist

    Equalist Guest

    Thank you very much. It was definitely helpful. I know I need to get over this guy, and I know I most likely have a false view of this guy since I never met him in person. Our texts were really just so great though, so it really left me with a painful feeling. And I agree that the distance would be too harsh. I actually have a feeling that had we met, it only would have been more painful because we would be left wanting more, but would never be able to satisfy it. He just saw that earlier and chose to get out now, which I should probably appreciate.

    I will go on this date, and I'll do my best not to compare the two. This is a good thing since he's so close. We could technically see each other every day with no problem, which makes this a lot better experience. I'm not going into this expecting much, but I will definitely give him a chance. And more importantly, I don't want to lead him on. This other guy admitted to somewhat leading me on during the last few days of talking, and he said he didn't want to do it to me anymore. I appreciate his choice in that sense, it's just so hard to come to terms with. But I definitely would not want to lead a guy on though; I would never want to cause anyone to feel the way I feel right now.

    Thank you for your advice. It is very helpful and I appreciate it. :slight_smile:
     
  4. ChristianHipstr

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    You're welcome :slight_smile:
    I'm sure this guy will turn out to be more than your expecting, I hope you have a great date!