Do ANY of you have this problem too?! I need someone to relate to

Hey guys, so something I didn't post about in my last thread was how my sexual orientation is hard to cope with due to other aspects of my life (parents' opinions, sports, my social circle, growing up, religion).

In this thread I want to concentrate more on the pressure from my religion since as you may/may not know it is the Easter period, which is extremely crucial in my faith (Christianity, Catholicism) so it brought up these issues. Anyways, I don't go to church as often as I used to when I was younger, as a teenager I'll be honest to admit I just love spending time out with mates, doing sports, and going to parties and stuff too, and being all religious can be a big burden that makes you feel like you can't go out and party with your friends, or that it is wrong to take pride in your appearance,I know that sounds bad, but every teenager atually needs to go and experience these things in order to develop as a person and see the world from a different perspective, I think it avoids ignorance....(going off track :rolle

SOO back to my point, I find religion so conflicting with my sexuality. I know for sure I don't like being in church like when I was younger because I feel so so so hypocritical being in there, listening to Jesus' word, and being expected to follow his message, and where in the Bible it says it's wrong to like boys if you're a boy. To be honest, it was so painful when I first found that out....because.... religion was truly the answer to all my worries when I was a kid...like I'd worry about an exam, and I'd pray it would go well, and it would go even better than I thought....or I'd go to one of my competitions and get so nervous, pray a little, and I would win national gold medal!!! But when it comes to sexuality, I can't go to my church, because it says what I FEEL from my HEART is a sin. I can't go there for that comfort, because it rejects what I feel if that makes sense:icon_sad:

It's like...out of EVERYONE in my school, only me and a select few have been brought up with religion, so out of everyone in my school WHY is it ME that likes boys. For anyone else, they don't have that religious rejection because they don't have religion, but they're straight, so it doesn't matter anyways, but it wouldn't matter if they liked boys anyway, cos they don't have religion that doesn't accept it!!! I hope that makes sense...

Are any of you out there experiencing the same?! Like, I can't go to a party and get on a guy cos I would feel like the worst Catholic ever, doing exactly what I shouldn't be....but I want to be with a boy SOOO bad, I find it so unfair that I can't just let me feelings take me where they want like all my other friends :dry:

Do any of you have to balance religion with sexual orientation? Do any of you have ant other opinions on including sexual orientation with religion and it not being hypocritical????

 

Pluvia- Yeah I'm sure there is, but I can't leave the faith I've been brought up in because the family on my mums side (especially my grandma when she was alive was supppeerrr religious) is more or less religious cos in that country it is the norm. And something my grandma told me before she died that I will always remember was "never leave the Catholic faith, please promise me that" and being like 10/11 years ol at the time I agreed, and I had a connection with her even though she lived on a different continent, so I would never be able to break that promise. She wanted me to promise that because she knew I was going to a school where noone was really Catholic, because over here the majority of people are atheist or agnostic. She didn't want me to lose my faith due to peer groups not agreeing with it (altho tbh I've never had problems with it, people don't mess with me really about stuff).

Gates- Yeah I argree! I've heard all that stuff before, and I do believe God would never make me gay if it was a sin, as this would contradict him completely, I believe he made me like this, becuase to me, it does just feel so natural, I can't explain, I've just always kinda liked guys (although I didn't consciously realise it til I was about 14/15). However, there is always that explanation from others that it's the Devil that has made me feel this way instead. But in all honesty, when I did find out I liked guys, I prayed really hard for those feelings to go away, and I did try hard as well. I refused myself to feel nything and touched off anything sexual for a period of about 4 months. But nothing changed. And that fact alone made me feel that God didn't want me to change, cos if he did, he would have answered my prayers and made me straight, but he didn't......do you see where I'm coming from?

 

WhiteShadows - Thanks for your input, it's really nice that people actually care:icon_wink In all honesty I agree with you guys a lot on this topic, it should be about just being a good person at heart. I know allll my friends would accept me if I come out, a couple already know, and one actually goes to the same church and I think she was happy when she first found out cos she said she never suspected it and always wanted a "gay friend", but we haven't spoken about it in ages. Most of my friends are male and the ones I've told really don't mind. One just said "dude (he's fully straight) you're so fucking hot you could get with any girl, if you were straight! But I'm sure one day you will find the perfect guy for yourself!!" He was slightly tipsy at the time ahahah!

But I guess that brings another issue anyways, like I know if I was straight I definitely would have had sex by now, so I feel kind of deflated about that :dry: And I grew up with a group of friends (a separate group of family friends, but we're slowly growing apart cos we're all soo different) in which I am the 4th oldest (outta 9) but I know at least 4 of them have had sex, and the others are too young, to be honest, they would expect me to have had sex by now cos they're all pretty much players (and the girls aren't sluts, but they can get laid easily too) so I have those expectations to live up to. I keep giving excuses like...ohh I go to an all boys school, there's no girls there - except now there are cos I'm in 6th form :eusa_liar....still though dating them doesn't really appeal cos girls cna be ridiculously bitchy and annoying , id rather be with a guy cos theyre simpler, I can relate to a guy and Im just naturally more attracted to them. I like a guy anyways, and in my previous post there's info on that unresolved issue :help:

Linco- WOW that surprises me so much!! I never thought I'd eevr hear a pope say anything like that! In all honety I never even knew that in the church of England you have rows in your masses - it seems like such a strange concept to me cos in our church we don't!! I know my church would be friendly, it's just I don't want to be known as "the gay one". That link will definitely prove handy one day THANKS :icon_bigg I really appreciate that!

To be honest right now I just have so many repressed feelings, and it annoys me so much when girls whine about how their bfs flirt with other girls, or how their bfs don't buy them flowers, how their bfs don't text them 24 bloody 7!! Blimey please stop whining, at least you HAVE one, I can't even express how I feel about boys cos it's still private! I'm sure you ALL understand what I mean when I say that when you hear girls talking about boys they like or find attractive...you kinda want to join in too, and talk about the guy you like, just how like when my friends talk about girls and their tits. Sometimes I'll hear a girl say "I would tap that" or something subtle...and I'll think, mate I know where you're coming from, SO WOULD I! Except ofc since you're a girl, you get to have that privilege:eusa_doh:

 

Gates- I agree I should do what feels right! But what makes me too young for sex?! If I had a bf I know I would be ready I think, I'm quite mature for my age actually (apart from with my mates hahah!):icon_wink

Having said that I would never be casual in sex, I think it's a big deal, and should be respected. You shouldn't do it with anyone, sexual interactions are fine, but I always feel sex should be more ... mutually respected if that makes sense

To add to your point gates, I'm also a sporty guy, and I had an injury last year that put me out of my training schedule for rpetty much the whole year, but I know my coach wants me to go to Europeans for my sport..... and you know the Tom Daley thing hit news articles, that could never be me (well I wouldn't be famous like him anyways) but it's still hard coming out to the club where I've trained my whole life, I'm afraid people would see me differently, but I know it wouldn't affect the opportunities in my sport:icon_bigg]

So, if you think I'm too young, can I ask why?!
Also, anyone that likes girls out there (guy or girl) can you tell me EXACTLY what it is about girls you like??? I want to see if I can see girls from your P.O.V
Thanks

 

Okay the weirdest thing just happened....

So I am friends with a student we had a couple of years ago on fb, and it was my bday and he asked me what my gf got me, so I just said I don't have one cos they're hard to get here. BTW he is a Saudi Arabian womanizer who loves women (but he was so kind and funny so we all really liked him).

So he just said "U can find girls in street or on the internet, but may u don't like girls ???"
So I just went on how all the girls here want older guys like 20 years and above...
So he said, GREAT for me when I return ahahah, and maybe we can get you a 14 year old girl then! :eek:

So weird how I write this thread and suddenly get caught out like that....I feel like people are expecting me to have had a gf by now...this isn't the frst time..

A coupla weeks ago some of us were leaving skl and talking about sex and stuff, then when I agreed with a guy and said "when I lose my V I want it to be with someone I like too like you" He replied "You haven't had sex yet?!" and I was just like "yeaah.....?"
He basically thought I would have done cos I seem confident around girls-.-

Now you see why I feel so hypocritical about the whole thing?! Like when I do come out people will be like...Oh he was such a liar, or he kept that really secret, but it explains EVERYTHING so well :dry:

 

Resu- I know EXACTLY where you're coming from!!! When I first learnt of porn I did the same really, prayed to avoid it and stuff. Then I realised it was same sex porn I enjoyed...and subconsciously I had no idea I actually liked boys, I just thought..oh all guys probably feel this, so I didn't worry and just GENUINELY thought that "my hormones hadn't kicked in yet" even though my voice had dropped, pubes grown, and put on some more muscle (but I thought the muscle was due to working out so hard in my sport). So I went about like normal not worrying and thinking "I've prayed to God, so now I will be straight!" Obviously not:eusa_naug. Eventually I developed a crush for a guy, and didn't wanna go to church cos I felt so bad, but then I really thought that God wouldn't care if I liked guys, what real difference does it make to him?! Like it says in the Bible "Come to me as you are" , and this is who I am! Now I just feel slightly lost cos all my friends are having relationships/flings and stuff, and I know I would be too if the norm was to be gay, or if I was straight...

Anyways, Resu how old are you? You seem like you're in a good situation to come out really! I definitely would if I was that far from home, because you have less pressure. Some of my close friends already know and are kinda surprised, but how many of your friends know?

---------- Post added 20th Apr 2014 at 12:27 PM ----------

You see that's so weird, until now I just thought guys liked girls' boobs and vaginas and bodies...but I never realised you were attracted to femininity!!! That's such a weird concept for me...to be attracted to feminine stuff...now I realise almost for sure that I don't like girls because I don't like feminine stuff, I like masculine stuff, I am masculine and I like masculine things. The charm of a woman never affects me, it's like I'm immune to it. They can have nice smiles and nice eyes, but the fact they're so delicate isn't attractive to me...it's like when I'm in bed with someone I want someone who can be as in charge as I am, who won't delicately suck my thing in a provocative way like it's an ice cream, but in a way like they know what they're doing, and I can't explain I just want it to be a boy:dry: That's the thing too, I like the deep voice of a guy!!! ESPECIALLY his sleepy voice, I don't find the high pitched voice of a woman attractive because to me it sounds more whiney, whereas a guys' voice can be soothing and perfect. It's like I'm attracted to the opposite of what you are:icon_roll About the hair thing, I understand that!! Except from a boys point of view...like really nice hair that's messy but perfectly messy is attractive. Although I can understand why that would attract a straight guy..

What about their personalities attracts you?!
How about slutiness and girls that lead guys on? Isn't that a turn off for you?

 

Resu - I have some questions for you if that's okay?

1. I don't really understand what happened with your first crush? What was he like? and what was his response to your question? Are you still friends with him?

2. Did anything ever happen with you and your best friend? Are you still close with him?

3. At 25 don't you feel ready to come out?!

Okay I'm a bit younger than you, but i know that I'll be out before 25, because mate you're at your prime at the moment!!! You should be living the best years of your life right now and being closeted is DEFINITELY preventing that! My advice is to start coming out, if your friends already expect it then you should tell one! Nothing bad will come from it at all, I've already told a couple and yeah it's scary and hard to admit, but just do it! Just count to 3 and say it. Once it's said, that's it, it's over and believe me it feels good cos then your friends (even my male friends) take an interest in the guys I like, and that feels so good!!! Cos you're talking about all those things you really want to talk about, what guy you like and why. Something i also find so funny is that my guy friends always ask my advice on their appearance so I have something to give back to them too, and it can be so funny aswell hahahah:lol:

Like no offence, but 25 is already beginning to push the age boundary a bit. I have a sister who's 25 and she already has ived with her bf for about 6/7 years, so I just feel you need to do something for yourself. There's nothing in your life pushing you to come out, and I feel like you need a little push just so you can get your life running! You'll regret so much if you wait much longer, cos you can be so much happier, I knwoe there are restraints to coming out, but there's never going to be a perfect time! You don't have to come out to your family immediately...my plan for you would be..tell a few friends near you, try to meet a guy maybe, see how that feels, and then just go for it!

I'm telling you if I can do it you can, I have parents that are cool with everything except gay people really. I'm a sportsman and have opportunities (perhaps) to go to Europeans in my sport, coming out in a sport like mine shouldn't affect my performance, but it can make it hostile if there's media pressure. I have family from a country where being gay just isn't good, it's something that people are brought up to believe is bad, and believe me the majority of my family lives there...so I don't want to lose that either, but you know what, I don't care. When I come out, I'll do it confidently, cos that's how people respect and listen. It's like in a class presentation, if you get someone reading their notes and hiding behind their book, you don't listen so much and the speech is ruined, if you have someone confident and clearly strong, you listen and respect what they say, so take a confident approach in your life! Don't come out proud though, why should you? People whoa re straight aren't proud to be straight so don't be proud to be gay. Just be confident. That's how I will do it, because I know people will respect that.

I just feel like you need to take matters into your own hands and do it, just set yourself some target (Liike tell 1 person within the month)....
TThe llonger you leave it the worse, life IS too short to hide mate!