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Rant (sorry)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Nelliephant, Apr 20, 2014.

  1. Nelliephant

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Hawkes Bay
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I've recently realised my feelings for one of the girls in my drama group (let's call her P) run considerably deeper than simply friendship. P thinks I like another girl in my drama group- which I do, but on and off. It's weird, sometimes I'm really attracted to her and sometimes I just find her a bit much.
    But anyway- I really, really like P. She's everything I'm looking for in a girl, except she a) has a boyfriend, and b) even her boyfriend knows that if a certain other girl (let's call her A) asked her out, she wouldn't hesitate. It's kind of a one-sided relationship. She likes him, but he knows her bisexuality is more like she'll happily kiss a boy, but there's no way she'll ever sleep with one. It sounds like she's leading him on, but he knows exactly what he's gotten himself into, so she's not really. He also knows she really likes A. I know I have no chance here, and also that I can get over this, because it's not the first time I've like a girl who can't return my feelings.
    The problem is, in trying to be her friend and support her, I have to listen to her dissecting these feelings she has about her boyfriend and her crush and her parents and her best friend. She needs someone to talk to, and since I'm also in the coming out process I know what she's talking about better than anyone else she could talk to. Except for A, that is, and for obvious reasons P doesn't really want to talk to A about this. Again, I wouldn't mind, especially since her best friend has basically gotten really jealous of her boyfriend and refuses to talk to her, so she needs someone to just vent to. But it's hard, listening to her talk about people she cares about and people she likes and to have to just pretend I have no feelings for her beyond friendship and that when I see her boyfriend kissing her I don't want to just grab him and punch him in the face. I actually basically hate him, and A. Somewhat unfairly too, because they're nice people. I know I should get space from her, but I really like being around her. And also, considering we're working on a play together, that's not really possible. So I've just got all this tension I can't get rid of. But this has helped, so rant over :slight_smile:
     
  2. Calix

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    I think while it's good you want to support your friend, distance may be good in this case. Do you have a friend that you can talk to about this yourself? Venting in person can be as equally helpful as writing a rant, moreso even in my experience.
     
  3. Ravi-VIXX777

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    I'm a little confused. Does she know you are a lesbian and/or like her? If not tell her that if she's needs a shoulder to cry on about the coming out process, that you are there for her. Continue to keep growing as her friend, but don't be second place for her boyfriend;you are better than that. Goodluck :slight_smile:
     
  4. Nelliephant

    Regular Member

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    Yeah, she knows I'm gay. We're like each other's gay counselling buddies since we don't really have anyone else we're comfortable talking to about shit. She doesn't know I like her and she's not going to, because there's really no point in telling her except to overload her with even more relationship problems.

    ---------- Post added 21st Apr 2014 at 10:36 PM ----------

    UPDATE: The deal is, P has a boyfriend but she is, in her own words, 85% gay (he knows this.) Her best friend (C) is pissed off at her because he asked her out and she said a) she thinks of him as a brother and b) she's bi, strongly leaning towards girls so she said no. Then C said 'okay, friends?' and everything was fine until (enter boyfriend) he started ignoring her again. (Jealousy.)
    I like her, but if I can cope because I think, having thought more on it, it's more that she fills an emotional gap to be needed, since all my other friends are a group, so we don't have one person who we turn to. I think it's important to have one person who we can turn to, and to have one person who turns to us. So I think my liking her is more that she fills the need to be needed, rather than being genuinley attracted to her.
    Anyway, the today we turn to the other girl who I really like sometimes and sometimes don't so much. I thought stuff it and asked her out (let's call this girl S). She said she wasn't sure. She said, 'I liked you when we were working on the Shakespeare competition performance but I managed to convince myself I was being stupid and now I don't know if I like you or if I like C.' The plot thickens...
    I told her to take some time to decide. She clearly decided without telling me, because instead I found out second-hand that her and C had kissed. Which I find quite rude, because she didn't have the decency to even text me (and still hasn't, several hours later) to tell me she'd made a decision and instead kissed him in front of probably about 50 people waiting for their rides in the car park. So now I'm a bit pissed off.
    Add to that the fact that when C likes someone, he spends loads of time around them before finally asking them out weeks after everyone else has started assuming they're together. However, he has shown no inclination towards her before and P and I suspect he might be using S to make P jealous.
    I think I've had enough of drama people already.
    Though they're the most accepting people I know- more so than general school social circles and sports teams- they're also overly emotional and dramatic. Which, I'll admit, can include me, though I don't tend to express it.
    Apologies again for the rant but it helps to get my thoughts straight. Maybe I should be blogging this instead?