There was always some flirting between me and this friend. We go way back and I've known him for so long I can't think of anyone I've been friends with for longer. Yesterday was his birthday, so the two of us and another friend went to his dad's empty apartment to chill. While we were there, our other friend ended up throwing up, so he stayed locked in the bathroom for a long time. In the meanwhile, my other friend kept being as subtle as an experimenting straight guy can be, so to break the ice I told him he was making me want to hook up with him, and I asked him if he really wanted to do that. He was sort of saying no, but it wasn't very real and about five minutes later we hooked up. I didn't intend to go that far, I never do anything with friends for obvious reasons. As soon as we got out, we decided to talk that through, and although I was very firm about how I didn't want that to change our friendship, he was more focused in keeping it a secret, which I'm fine with and even suggested at first. Anyway, this is the day after I hooked up with a straight friend on his birthday and my head is just spinning. There is no way to say this isn't going to change anything, because the two of us can't even look at each other without remembering. I told him, in the end, that if I knew he wasn't quite sure of what he was doing I would never have done anything, because I don't want to me connected to an image that won't necessarily be good. I just really don't know what to do.
have you talked to him today? or has he not said anything? i would give him space and let him process things. good choice of bday presents though ;-)
We haven't talked yet but we have plans for later. And we also agreed to continue being friends as always. I just feel weird because I had never done anything with a guy that wasn't at least bi. Or at least someone I don't see and hang out with every single day. I give him the props for actually hitting on me and not expecting things to just happen. Speaking of good birthday presents, I actually wrote him a letter for his birthday. As a friend, of course. My plan was to just give it to him when we were heading home, but for my big big mistake I gave to him before everything else. There were no love statements or anything, but I can't help but feel ridiculous with how exposed I made myself last night.
It sounds like this friend is important to you, and while maybe hooking up with him made for an awkward situation you're doing well by trying to keep him comfortable and in your life. I think you're handling it well.
I do care about him, but now it's kind of like I just wish I had our friendship. If I had said no, things would've been a bit awkward but he'd understand and the outcome would be better than our current situation. I just feel like straight guys are more trouble than they're worth.
Honestly, I do think it's possible to go back to being friends. That doesn't mean it won't be awkward for a bit, though. But think of it as the awkwardness you get from some people after you come out to them: temporary and once they're used to the thought, life goes on as it did. I guess the best thing to do right now is to have one more conversation about it. Some of the things you might want to touch upon: - Yeah, it happened. And you both went into it with both eyes open. - It's not something you want to do again, because you prefer being friends. - It's not something to regret either. Feel free to even say it was fun while it lasted. Let's call it "friends wanting to have fun and just going a bit far for once". - Friends don't hurt each other, so assure him discretion is assured. - If he wants to talk about it more, at any time in the future, he's free to talk to you about it! (All of course only if you mean it) Main goal should be to make clear that is isn't awkward unless you both want it to be, that discretion is assured, and that you don't feel it was wrong either. After that... your best option is to act as you always did. Quite often, the best way to get back to a normal situation is to act normal!
This is great to hear. Thank you, really. I think I can get used to the idea that although it's weird now, it can go back to normal. I just wish I knew if that was a good experience for him, and if it was good because I was there. I wouldn't want him to regret doing anything with me.
