1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How can I apologise to my Dad about misjudging his reaction to my sexuality?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Beware Of You, Apr 23, 2014.

  1. Beware Of You

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    1,752
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Dublin, Ireland
    I repressed my sexuality for years, I went to a Catholic faith school and I told that homosexuality is at most a phase that kids grow though due to hormones and that we should just ignore it. Anyway this stuff rubbed off on me so that I didn't act on it.

    Anyway it got me down, I was miserable as a teen, I was bullied and the like and my Dad and my Mum tried their best to get to the bottom of what got me down me. I was too scared of Dad's reaction to be honest with them, and I just blamed it on bullies that I refused to name.

    Anyway years after when I decided to come out (well after a suicide attempt) my Dad was really accepting of it, but what got me is that he was so upset that I didn't talk to him about it when I was younger, he figured that is the reason why I hated school, was lonely and never went out with friends as a teen, and he kept on telling me that he just wanted me to be happy and I could have spoken to him about "anything".

    He is an atheist so I dont know why I would think he would hate me for it. He never cared when I became a Catholic or anything
     
  2. Clay

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2014
    Messages:
    618
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Scotland
    Just tell him that then I guess. You're sorry you never told him, you were just scared of how he'd react.
     
  3. AthenaEvince

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2014
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    GA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I agree. He obviously saw how in-pain you were during school, and how it was eating you up inside--he'll completely understand that your mind wasn't necessarily in the best state--and being afraid how an adult male will feel about his son coming out is reasonable, regardless of religion.

    As accepting as you say he is, I'm sure he'll be understanding, and just want to give you a hug and accept your apology. He'll definitely appreciate your intent.
     
  4. greatwhale

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    6,582
    Likes Received:
    413
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm a dad, I would hope that if there was something bothering any of my kids that they would say something...but sometimes they're really good at hiding things.

    So I tell them often that I am ready to listen to whatever it is that is bothering them...not easy...
     
  5. Do whatever you think is right, but just because he has regrets, does that meant you have something to apologise for? It would be a nice thing to do, I guess. And your dad's reaction is really cool - that's surely what matters most - what happens from now on, right?

    When I came out to my parents, my dad apologised for all the homophobic things he said when I was a kid. I couldn't accept his apology because the stuff he said cuts way too deep - the past is the past and can't be changed. He wouldn't have apologised if i hadn't come out (he actually said after spologising 'but you never told me, so how could I have known?' - as if to somehow justify his bigotry) Oh, and he continues to hold some really horrible opinions (no such thing as gay love, only sex, keeps conflating gay/paedo etc etc). I just don't talk to him about my sexuality any more - and no way i'll ever introduce a partner.