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I'm a girl and he's gay. Crap.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by WheninDoubt, Apr 23, 2014.

  1. WheninDoubt

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    So I'm having a bit of a unique issue here, and I'm pretty sure I already know what the answer is, but maybe I can get some advice from you lovely people.

    I'm a bi/pan girl. I've had a pretty intense friendship with a gay guy since the beginning of the year. We're both open and out and happy and have sexed strangers and dated peeps and it's all fine and dandy.

    Thing is, we have some sexual tension, and I don't know how to deal with it. It's kind of terrifying. A bit after we befriended each other, we started experimenting with drugs. The first time I got crazy high off edibles, I was long-distance dating this guy and dating this girl. But that night I spent the night at my friend's house, and in my haze it got a bit sexual. He didn't reciprocate, but he like, let me do stuff. But hey, this was a while back, people get high, whatever, who cares.

    I've become acutely aware that I'm attracted to him. We unabashedly love each other, that's whatever, but it's this bloody sexual element that's throwing me off. I know whenever I'm high I want to touch him, but I'm not sure if it's because I'm irrationally horny when I'm high, or if I'm genuinely attracted to him. And there have been times when he's been drunk and rambled on and on about how inconvenient it is that he's gay, because he'd love to be attracted to me, and he loves me dearly, but he's waiting for "the one." He's never had a real relationship with a guy, only hookups, and I think he's waiting for something more intimate and real.

    It came to a fevered pitch recently. For 4/20 we hung out with his friends and got high as bejesus, and I, in my infinite wisdom, decided to mix molly and acid. For the time up there I tried hooking up with this guy and then this girl, but it didn't end up working out. At the end of the night, because we were in his friends' dorm, we shared a bed. My heart was racing and I was freaking the hell out and in my strung-out stupor, I started touching him. He started off doing the same thing he does whenever I'm like this-- uncomfortable, shrugging me off, generally dismissive. I felt so bad because I didn't want to put him in this position, but we were so frigging high that I couldn't get past it.

    The thing that made this different, was that I confessed my love for him, though I wasn't sure if I was telling the truth. And then, again, infinite wisdom, I started kissing his neck. He started to stop me, but then like, he got so turned on that he told me that, since it would probably never happen again, we could try something. Basically it resulted in me necking him for an hour or so. He wouldn't let me kiss his mouth though because he's saving that for a guy or something. I think he tried to touch me at one point, but I told him it would be wrong since he's gay. I have flawless drug logic.

    Thankfully, there was no substantial awkwardness the next day and we joke about it now. I'm still a bit hung up on it though. I had sex with a guy last night, but I couldn't stop thinking about the weekend. I know logically this would never work out, and I know that I probably can't talk about it frankly, unless more substances are involved, but I can't help but feel like we're taking mutual advantage of each other, but not in a healthy way. I just don't want my tendency to latch on the people I care about to ruin a friendship. At this moment, I love him, I want him so fucking badly, but I think I'm setting myself up for failure.

    What do I do?
     
  2. Clay

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    Well honestly I thought this was going to end with him at least showing signs he's bi, but by the looks of it he's gay.

    Next thing is, a lot of this is probably fueled by being high. It's most likely clouding your judgement a lot here. What do you do? Well unfortunately I think the only answer is you're going to have to get over it. You're friends, you have a good relationship, but it's not going to evolve into anything more.

    It hurts to love someone who doesn't love you back the same way, but your relationship with him wont be ruined if you don't act on it.
     
  3. Theron

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    A. Stop doing drugs. That's not helping anyone. /recovering heroin addict

    B. As much as it sucks, pull on your big girl panties and learn to respect the fact that he's gay. You keep violating boundaries because you're high, but sexual assault is sexual assault. If he doesn't really want it, it's assault.

    My fiance had to end a friendship with a girl from college who was like you, and it went too far. Would you rather keep seeing him on a friendship term or would you rather cut your relationship off altogether so you don't have to suffer unrequited love while trying to push yourself on someone not attracted to you sexually?