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Sisters as Leverage

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by drwinchester, Apr 24, 2014.

  1. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    Two threads in one day- probably not best move but figure might as well get this out there while it's still fresh on my mind.

    So anyway. I'm finally out of my mother's and believe me, glad of it. Really getting sense that relationship wasn't normal or healthy and basically, everyone who knows me and my mother and what happens in my house agrees that she's kinda abusive.

    ...Not really sure what to think about that to be honest. :\ Because she wasn't ever physical and up until about 6 months ago, life was okay. But the woman still terrifies me, honestly, and I find it hard to keep my cool when I'm in the same room as her.

    But anyway. I've got four younger sisters and really don't want to be cut off from them. But being around them means being around my mother. My mother still expects me to babysit and come over often despite having moved out.

    Basically, I was almost something of a third parent to my siblings as they grew up. I cooked, cleaned after them. And it was usually me they went to if they had a nighmare or felt ill in the middle of the night. Four year sister's really attached. To the point where if she's having a hard night, she won't go to my mom but'll quietly sneak in my room and try to sleep in my bed. Up until recently, she had chronic nightmares. So for like 3 years, I never had a full night's sleep. :lol: But yeah. I'm her "(legal name)".

    They drive me nuts but I love them to pieces. Which worries me. Cause I don't want to be cut off but you know, I basically never want to interact with my mother again, at least not in a highly limited fashion. ...And I dunno how to deal with her while still being able to see my sisters.

    Any advice? Kinda lost on what to do. I feel like my mom's gonna use them as leverage to try to guilt me into crawling back... And I don't want to come back under her roof, I think she's toxic and especially now that I realize how much better life is now that I'm not living with her. I just don't want to lose my sisters.
     
  2. BookDragon

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    If you have to tattoo the words "I'm not going back" on every part of you that you can see, do it, whatever keeps you out.

    If she DOES try and use your sisters as leverage you have further evidence to support your abusive relationship idea, so remember that.

    As for keeping in contact...I know how that feels and it's horrible, but you would have to leave eventually and as my mum has just made very clear to me, they are not your children.

    Call them, write to them, take them out to places sometimes. Remind them that you still love them and they will understand :slight_smile:
     
  3. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    Yeah...

    I dunno. I feel like for about 4 years, I was more of a parent to them than my mother. She'd go on Pinterest, I'd be out there watching after them. And at one point, I primarily homeschooled them. So without me around, really hoping she steps in and takes on responsibility...

    But I dunno. My youngest sister, especially, is really attached to me. So I worry about how me not being around's going to affect her.

    Kinda wish there was a way to see them without having to deal with my mother. If I never had to deal with my mom again, at least not alone, it'd work out. I'm babysitting them Sunday but I think my mom has this idea that she'll still 'own me' even though I'm not physically living with her or interacting with her daily.
     
  4. BookDragon

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    Your sisters are going to have to deal with that one way or the other...if it turns out that she WON'T step in then eventually she will find her way out of the picture, if you follow me. (and if you don't then...you know...look up the number for child services).
     
  5. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    I mean... I've been going to school so obviously she's had to step in. I mean, she cooks some of the meals (I had to do dinner up until I moved), and the house isn't a total disaster, but then again, my sisters do a lot of the picking up.
     
  6. BookDragon

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    As unfortunate as it is, your sisters may find themselves in a similar situation to you. They may well get to 19 and find themselves complaining to their friends about how their mother has made them act like surrogate parents to each other.

    It SUCKS, but you can't let that get in the way of you living your own life.
     
  7. AudreyB

    AudreyB Guest

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    Isn't your mom moving to Florida soon? If I recall this correctly, wouldn't that render at least part of your concern (not being there for your sisters) rather moot?

    FWIW, I think (as usual) Ellia's giving top-flight advice here. You've already been forced to sacrifice years of your own life in the interests of serving as Betty Crocker/June Cleaver on a string for your mom. Now, you need to be able to live your own life. Your sisters will be fine. If tribulation does ensue in your mom's oversized dollhouse that she calls a home, well, all the better motivation for them to leave once they are of age. Because they deserve their own lives, too.