My mom keeps asking me what my father did to me when I was a child. I told her a year ago I like girls. I guess one can say I had/have daddy issues-he was a drunk, abusive to my mom, he got me drunk several times when I was younger, let me smoke etc (which I actually don't do at all and actually hate alcohol and such). She now only asks me what my dad did rather than just letting it go. I tell her I don't remember anything ever happening. I know I was exposed to watching sex at a young age in movies, but aren't many kids? I also figured out things quicker when it comes to sex before others my age. I don't remember my father ever doing anything sexually to me. I can say which I have admitted to my mother that he tried placing his hand in my shirt when I was young and he was sleeping. Besides that I don't remember anything with my dad. I did witness walking in on my sister getting touched by a babysitters son and I got really pissed too and told the damn guy to knock it off. This is freaken weird and will never tell my mother or sister, but my cousin and I experimented when we were younger say 7 years old-he was a boy. We never went all the way in that sense, but for some reason I knew it wasn't right because well we were cousins and hell we were 7 years old. I kind of question at times if I may have blocked memories out from something that had happened. I just don't understand why I would have been experimenting in that way so early with someone. I also don't understand why I have intimate issues when it comes to getting to close to people and or letting people be intimate with me-never have before and I get scared of the intimacy part. Sounds odd, but I gravitate only letting kids hug me and such-such as my niece or nephew. They are so innocent and I know everything they do is because of love rather than thinking in that sense. I will only cuddle with them because I know kids need that connection-something I think I lacked as a child. My counselor says I do it because its probably because I know they need it and don't want them to miss out on something I never had. When someone my age gets close to me as in tries to get close I don't understand it meaning, one person said they crave intimacy-this scared me when they said that because while I would like to be close to someone the thought of it makes me extremely anxious. I am stuck. I don't know what to tell my mother because I don't know much. I just know I am trying to get passed the issues I have now so I can hopefully be in a relationships with someone down the road. I can tell you I hated myself as a kid. I thought about just beating the hell out of myself just because I was so angry, yet I don't know why.
Well what COULD you possibly tell her, you dont actually know anything. All you can say is that as far as you are aware nothing happened... What you COULD do is ask her WHY she is so adamant that something happened in the first place!
