Hello friends , I've browsed this site for many months and have finally decided to join the ranks. My issue here is a long story. within the last three months i came out to my co-workers, one who also was a friend. Now i had sucpected that he was gay for a long time yet never wanted to bring it up, we've always been friends but I've had the biggest crush on him forever. After i told him he came out to me and we started talking more and more, he reviled that he's had a crush on me too. Sounds like a win-win situation, one night he invited me over to watch a movie. We cuddled, and it eventually progressed, this happened over several days , and while always keeping in contact with me he seemed to consider me more FWB than any real relationship. Here is were it all fell apart he's still in the closet people at work all figure he's gay but if asked he denies it, he often tells stories about one night stands with women to "fit in", I've tried to encourage him to come out but he says he so afraid of being judged, yet his walk and talk is all a dead giveaway. I was talking to one of my co-workers and we ended up talking about relationships and i mentioned the awkward position i was in with him, romuers travel fast and this soon reached his ear. He blew up on me and said i broke his trust , and feels i outed him. we didn't talk for almost a month. He broke the ice one night with a text about how he dosent hate me but lost his trust in me and its going to be hard to be my friend again. But i don't know how to explain that our relationship was never clear to began with and i have fallen in love with him. i have a feeling that its not meant to be. he ignores my calls and texts most time unless its very basic conversation. Almost as if he feels that hearing from him once a day will keep me happy. I know i was wrong and i did put him in a bad spot, but what can i do to fix this issues it seems like there will be no end to all the drama. Any ideas ?
While it wasn't helpful you let slip your relationship to another co-worker (who is really the main problem in terms of not being trustworthy), I agree that this guy was trying to have it both ways: being intimate with you while also claiming to be straight in public. Also, since other people suspected him, he wasn't that great at hiding his secret. However, he could be bi, which may be the source of his confusion. I think the main thing is getting through that he shares some blame in this situation. When he says "he doesn't hate" you, he really is saying you were the only one doing wrong. So, you should just be up front and ask him what he thought was happening between you two. Was it FWB or a real relationship? Tell him that you really did love him but felt hurt that he was ashamed to admit his sexuality to the others (especially since he already saw you had successfully came out). Then tell him that your frustration was the reason you talked to another coworker and you apologize for any hurt you caused. Just offer to be friends again, but don't think about it too much. Overall, I think you know that what you need is a relationship with someone who is on an equal level in terms of accepting his sexuality. This guy still has a long way before he can catch up to you, and so it's better to just move on. Workplace drama is tough.
Thanks for the insight it's just hard to let go I don't think he is confused though just afraid of being accepted. And I feel if I tell him that he's wrong too it will only cause more if a rift between us.
