So... Today, may family and I went shopping. We were at this outdoor mall looking through windows at clothes and such as we went by. I pointed out how cute this little girls dress was, I got a sarcastic response of "Well, It'd be cute on your kids when you have them." :bang: I've already said I am not entirely sold on having any and I reminded her of that. My father heard me say this and I got a whole lecture the rest of the shopping trip about children and how my mind will change when I find the right "woman"............ Uggggggggggh. I really tried not to respond after that. I have never stated what I like to them.... Though my father has asked me, "You do want to marry a woman, right??" I hesitated there too and never answered the question.... I dislike these conversations so much. :eusa_doh:
I can understand (*hug*) my cousins often say things like that. Are your parents actively homophobic in general? or do you think they're just uncomfortable with the idea that YOU particularly are gay? Because if you hesitate to answer those kind of questions, that's probably what they are going to think. I feel you. Whenever these things crop up just try to change the subject or something.
My guess is your parents either know or strongly suspect, and that knowledge likely didn't just happen today. Many times as people around us are processing a loss (or a feared loss), even before it's confirmed, they start going through the stages of loss (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance). So what you may be experiencing is the "anger" phase where they at some level know you're likely gay, but -- somewhere between consciously and unconsciously -- hope that by saying what they're saying, they'll magically make you straight. Of course, consciously, they know this won't work, but it doesn't stop it from happening. Also, given that most likely they know or suspect... do you really think that the fact you dodged your dad's question slipped by him? Most likely not. So at this point, even though it may seem terrifying, I'd suggest your best bet is probably to come out. I'm not suggesting it will be sunshine and rainbows when you do, but at least the elephant will be out of the room, and the three of you can begin to work through it. The longer you wait, you'll just have to keep putting up with this sort of stuff, so it's sort of like ripping off a band-aid. It will be intense for a short time, but much better in the long run.
You know what, it's better to hesitate and not answer, than deny. Denial would have been so easy in that situation and respect to you for not taking the easy option. Just think about that and try to take something from it. It might seem quite small right now, but in hesitating and then not answering you've probably planted a small seed in your Father's mind. Could this be the first baby step on your coming out journey? What do you think?
1. I would say they are.... not to the point of disliking all lgbt people. One of my fathers co-workers is a open lesbian women. He is fine with her, though he refers to her as "one of them", but yes, my parents are very conservative, religious people. So, I would assume they are uncomfortable with myself being gay. I hope so. I have never talked about who or what I like, but they still think I am straight or cling to that idea. I am NOT shy about my stance on overall equality for all. When I first brought it up, They used The Bible to defend their stance on their beliefs and I told them I just can't agree with that view. My father had said he couldn't believe that I thought like that. So far, the issue hasn't really caused major problems, we don't talk about it, at all. He did tell me I didn't need to vote because he knew how I would vote, but that is more on several different topics we don't see eye to eye on. *sigh* I hope so. I can't bring myself to say more though. Even when trying to discuss other topics... He is just such a assertive person and I sound like a stuttering fool when I talk to him and my mother. I don't do that when I'm talking to others.
