I want more lesbian friends just for the camaradie, not for a relationship. I know people have suggested I should get back on dating sites and find some girls or people to talk to. Well, I want to but I don't. Something tells me that until I have more discipline and stability in my life, I should stay away from potential distractions. At the same time, I feel like my life has become a rut. I go to work, come home sleep and shower, go to work. And that is the only life I know. Um...and although I do have some money, I don't have enough to spare to like go out somewhere. I know my ex has been trying to get over me and has been making a profile on dating sites. I just don't know which ones. I don't want to find her or run into her ever again. We all have that one person in our lives who we hurt so much when we run into again. It just makes me putty seeing her again. I am over her but my ego just can't take the blow just yet. I can't stand the thought of being on the same dating site as my ex and her snooping around my profile or me being tempted to reciprocate. I want this woman out of my life for good. The only way to truly move on is to never be a witness to her being with someone else to get over me. I feel like that is desecrating what we once had. It feels like w slap in the face because instead of her wanting to grieve over the loss, she just wants to fill in the voids.instead of taking awhile to see who she is, she will just sit there and date whomever and I am just a comparison. I chose to stay single for a while to truly examine myself, heal, become a better person, learn from my mistakes...I really want to make permanent changes and seriously put the past in the past. I don't want to just bury a three year relationship under sex and casual dating like my ex intends to do. I understand people cope differently, but I just hate to see that I have a pattern of dating people who in the end resort to rebound hookups. That's why I want to stay single for a while. I want to truly learn from my mistakes and fix things about me i don't like. I want to be a strong individual with a great understanding of who I am, what I have become, what I want, need, and have. In think it is the most mature thing anyone can do for themselves. I want to break the cycle of dating people who are prone to hide me in the closet with them, who have or had a sexual orientation crisis, who are too overbearing and who clash with my mom, and who are secretive, serious, and moody. I also want people who takes sex as something sacred and not something to be treated as a no big deal, casual doesn't matter type of thing. In the end they turn out to be insensitive, too immature emotionally, and who don't have any hobbies or things in common with me, no talents, nothing. I need to break that cycle. That's why i think iit is worth it for me to stay single a while. I don't want that anymore.
Well I swear I just read about myself except for the 3 year relationship. On my end, I tend to have girls who want to know every single detail (I am talking miseries and all) when they just meet me. I can understand the not running into your ex :bang: that would suck. I can say though that you may be surprised that when you least expect it the right person will come along. The dating sites I must admit I have never tried; some people are successful some not. Any who, if you would like to talk to someone I would be more than happy to listen. Best of Luck!
