This year I realized somewhat disturbing about my mom and I am not sure what to think of this. I come from a a very catholic family more on my mom's side but my parents and most of my relatives accept it besides my grandparents and my sister and her husband. My sister never accepted my sexuality for her own selfish reason. After we had a final fight last year and stopped talking unless my mom forced me to acknowledge her presence at family gatherings making feel stupid . After I left town with my boyfriend to get away from my homophobic small town a plan my parents would or will ever understand i heard that my mom's brother would tell ultra conservative homophobic grandpa every I post or share on face book. My mom wanted my dad never to tell me me this but my dad thought it was right to tell me. I blocked my uncle from face book for causing nothing but trouble and never confronted my uncle about it knowing it would get my dad in trouble. I know this happens in a lot families but I hate when a family's way of dealing with things which is to put on a accepting understanding personality in front of you than rant about your behavior behind your back. It is like a back talking disease and my family is very much involved with it. My mom's way of thinking which bothers me and my parents lack of understanding of how hard it is be a gay man and to find love in the gay community and to live in small minded shit talking town was way too hard and so glad I finally got a chance to leave it all behind. See the problem I always had is the things I did for my family that I later realized they were just thinking about what would look bad for them than what is best for me. I hid my sexuality because of my sister's wedding and made sure no one at my little sister's high school found out I was gay so they would not have to deal with problems. My mom thanked me all the time for being cautious with what i did online and around the community but now I realized how unhealthy that was for me and hiding all those emotions are what lead to social anxiety and depression and thoughts of suicide. When I told her about the gay suicides in my little town she just said it sad that some people feel so desperate. Yeah I get it that all catholic think suicide is such a bad sin when it is triggered by depression and stressful situations that are sometimes out of our control.
