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Break up killing me :'(

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Miagenovese, Apr 28, 2014.

  1. Miagenovese

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    Hello,
    I have joined this chatroom as I needed to vent and let out my problem.. I have never done this before so feel a bit weird doing it but here we go...

    Me and my best friend fell in love a few years ago. We have been friends for a while, and this was something that built up after a longg period of time. We both previously labelled ourselves as straight before getting together.

    After a long difficult period of feeling this way for each other but seeing other people out of fear of getting together, we decided to screw what anyone else thought and got together. We have had a very happy time together.. I have loved being with her, she has made me feel whole and I love having her in my life, as a best friend, lover and partner. I am 100% in love with her and I know she feels the same way. I dream of our life together in the future and all the happy times we have had and will continue to have.

    Things have not always been difficult. Her parents are religious and against our relationship. My parents have not been the most supportive either, but despite this we kept going with our relationship.

    In the past month, she told me she has had some doubts about our relationship.. doubts for the future. She said she does not want to have children with a woman, she does not want the children to not have a father in their life. She can not bear the rejection of her family and losing her culture. I have no other family except parents and siblings so this isn't such a problem for me. I understand the way she feels because I had my own doubts before we got together. She has decided we should break up now as we don't have a future together and there is no point in a relationship in which she sees being temporary.


    This has come as a bit of a shock to me, as we always have spoken about our future and she always sounded so sure of it, and so happy to talk about it.
    I am heartbroken. I feel so upset, I can't concentrate on my studies, don't want to go out. Feel low and lonely. Cant bear the thought of being with someone else, or her being with someone else.
    She wants us to remain friends and wants us to keep seeing each other. It would kill me not to have her in my life ever again, but the thought of being just 'friends' and not being her number 1 just hurts so much.

    I just don't know what to do. Do I wait around and hope she changes her mind? Do I remove her from my life? Do we remain friends? Shall I seek someone else?

    Some advice would be really appreciated.

    Thank you.
     
  2. DangerAlex

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    Wow, I'm really sorry to hear about this. I recently went through some trying times with my boyfriend, and although we worked it out and are still together, it was so hard. Beyond words.

    Unfortunately, I can't tell you what to do. All I can tell you is what I would do.

    If she loves you as much as she seemed to before considering she used to seem so excited about your future together, then she could very well come to her senses, realize she misses you and made a mistake, and decide she wants to resume your relationship despite her desire to have a more traditional, picture-perfect family in the future. But I wouldn't count on this. You need to be prepared that she may not let herself be with you due to societal/familial expectations, etc. Hopefully she'll accept that in order to be fully happy, she'll need to disregard what our somewhat puritanical culture expects of us to be "normal". However, not everyone can do that, and those who do sometimes need a lot of time to accept and process it, so they don't feel like a deviant ask their lives.

    If I were you, I would give her a grace period to change her mind, like maybe a month or so. In that time, I'd try to keep my head up and remain hopeful, yet prepared for the worst. After that have period though, I'd accept the loss, be thankful for the memories and the experience, and start moving on with my life.

    As far as whether or not to remain friends... will you be able to handle seeing her date other people? If the answer is no, it may be better/healthier for you to cut her out of your life, as hard as that may be. If you can deal with seeing her move on to save the friendship, then more power to you, but I definitely couldn't handle seeing my lover with other people, especially after being dumped when I so badly when to stay together. No way I could stay friends. But that's just me.

    Good luck, I hope this helps! Hope this works out for you.
     
  3. Miagenovese

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    Thank you for your reply.

    She definitely does desire the traditional ideal nuclear family situation but I'm not sure if this is just something that will pass or not because it didn't seem like such a big deal not long ago...I think the 'grace period' idea is a good one. I will try to focus on myself and stay busy and distracted from thinking about her, as difficult as that is. I think she needs time to think it over properly and decide what she reallyy wants in life.

    As for the friends part.. I am not sure. We have lots of mutual interests and friends and are always doing these together etc. music and sports, so Im sure our paths will cross regardless. The thought of her with someone else at the moment feels horrible so I would definitely find it very very hard. It is just hard to imagine a life without her.

    Anyway, I shall stay positive! Your advice is helpful and Im very grateful. Thank you!
     
  4. Miagenovese

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    We ended up speaking for a veryyyy long time today and it seems she has been struggling a lot with the break up. She said she has cried every day and felt very lonely and is thinking she made the wrong choice.

    We came to the conclusion that being apart wasn't making either of us happy and was unlikely to do so.

    :icon_bigg I feel so happy!! (!)
     
  5. DangerAlex

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    Great news! I kind of figured she would come around if she was as happy in the relationship as you made it seem. Good for you, very happy for you :slight_smile:
     
  6. Miagenovese

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    Thank you! :slight_smile:
    xxx