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i think my gf is asexual but theres a problem

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lostlover, Apr 28, 2014.

  1. lostlover

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    my girlfriend and I have only been dating about 4 months. She is a very conservative person brought up in a Catholic home and went to Catholic school 6-12 grade. She had one boyfriend in highschool who she said she loved in the way she loves me. then she began dating girls in college and dated a girl for 3 years, then another for a few months and little makeouts but im really her fourth serious relationship. She tells me she loves me and is in love with me and has never cared about someone as much as she cares about me. But she told me something she has been struggling with for years and she finally thinks shes come to the conclusion that she is not sexually attracted to girls.. but she finds me physically attractive. she just doesnt feel the drive to have sex. she also does not think about it a lot. But when i asked her about guys and if she sees a hot guy, does she want to have sex with him and she said no, that doesnt enter her mind. but part of her wonders if she is supposed to be with a girl or if she could potentially have a sexual connection with a guy. It is tearing me apart because we are in love with each other but she will have sex with me bc she knows i want it, and she wants to make me happy. How can I help her through this and help her with her identity? I know asexuality exists, could that be it?
     
  2. FireSmoke

    FireSmoke Guest

    Maybe she's repressing herself because she's religious?
     
  3. Miiaaaaa

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    She could be asexual.

    And she's willing to please you anyway...
    ...She sounds like a keeper!
     
  4. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    She could be, but only if she's not sexually attracted to either gender (which you seem to describe)...
     
  5. lostlover

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    the problem is, she hasnt been with a guy in like 6 years and thats where her doubt is. she questions if she is supposed to be with a girl or if she could potentially be better off with a guy. she sees people and thinks theyre attractive, but boy or girl she doesnt automatically think "wow id totally have sex with them." but she isnt sure if she might feel that sexual drive if she had a connection with a guy.. even though she didnt in high school and it was basically the same as when she is with a girl. I am just afraid of getting hurt. We have the love, we have fun together, we want many of the same things in life, but she will never have that sexual drive. she will have sex, but it wont be like omg i need to have it. what she says the most when i ask anything "I dont know, I dont know anything" but she does know she loves me. so. yeah, im lost.
     
  6. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Did her religion teach her that homosexual sex was wrong? I almost wonder if this is guilt or repression.
     
  7. lostlover

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    I mentioned that to her but she doesnt know. she clearly likes being with girls, or she wouldnt be drawn to them.. she told me she thought i was beautiful and wanted to talk to me and thinks im gorgeous. but she doesnt feel the urge to have sex. Shes having an identity crisis.. and the only thing i can do is be here for her and be a good gf even though the outcome may be us not being together despite what we had planned. which breaks my heart.