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Girlfriend not following through with promises

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by lboll96, Apr 28, 2014.

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  1. lboll96

    lboll96
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    Hey everyone,

    Is it unreasonable to get upset and frustrated when you make plans in advance but then your partner doesn't follow through?

    I asked my girlfriend to sleep over on a Tuesday night, and then we would go to school the next morning from my house. We don't live together, and the only time we really get to hang out is when we carpool to and from school. She said yes (this was about a week ago), and then suddenly last night, she asked me if I closed at work Tuesday night. When I said that I did indeed close, which entails staying at work until about 11:30pm, she flat out refused to spend the night. She said she needed to get enough sleep and she wanted to exercise in the morning and couldn't do that if i worked until 11:30.

    This is the second time in the last week that she has done something kinda like this. The first time was when she didn't ask for a day off from work so we could go to a concert (she's known we were going since the beginning of March) even though I've been reminding her once or twice a week. She got scheduled on that day, and now constantly complains that she has to switch her shift so we can go.

    Just to add to the background information, I have abandonment issues that I'm trying to get past, and she has agreed several times in the past that she was going to try to put our relationship first more often. I'm just so frustrated with her behavior, I have no idea what to do.
     
    #1 lboll96, Apr 28, 2014
  2. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    Let's start with your Tuesday sleepover.

    WHile it would have been better if she'd asked you sooner, her reasoning is solid. 11:30 start, add some for getting home. Add some more for whatever you plan on doing before sleep and so on. You could find yourself well into the early hours of the morning before any sleep is had which sucks for a busy next day...as I say, would have been nice if she had asked you about it earlier, but then you could have mentioned it earlier too so it works both ways.

    With your concert. That really depends on how her work organises time off. Did she actually 'not ask' or was she just not given the time off. Do you KNOW she didn't ask for it, is that something she has admitted to?

    Also...I mean I know if I couldn't afford to miss a day of work to go to a concert if I thought I could work and THEN go...so it would also depend on what the actual details of the concert are...when is it, how far away and how long does it take to get there, that kind of thing.
     
    #2 BookDragon, Apr 29, 2014
  3. lboll96

    lboll96
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    As far as me closing at work, I have closed every Tuesday night for the past 6 months, so I have no idea why she thought I wouldn't be this particular Tuesday. Additionally, we don't have any semblance of a sex life, so we would have been asleep by 12:30 and wouldn't need to get up until close to 8.

    The concert is about an hour away, and she did admit to not asking for the day off. However, she works until when we need to leave, which is kinda obnoxious. The concert/evening out was a birthday present for me, so I'm slightly annoyed that she didn't do what she needed to do.
     
    #3 lboll96, Apr 29, 2014
  4. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    As far as me closing at work, I have closed every Tuesday night for the past 6 months, so I have no idea why she thought I wouldn't be this particular Tuesday. Additionally, we don't have any semblance of a sex life, so we would have been asleep by 12:30 and wouldn't need to get up until close to 8.

    How many times in the last 6 months have you asked her to stay over on a Tuesday? I ask, because if your answer is anything other than 'Almost every tuesday' I have to admit I'm on her side.

    See, if I knew someone was busy until late every tuesday for an extended period of time then all of a sudden invites me over on a tuesday, I would assume something is different, in your case I would assume you weren't closing...

    As for the times, sleep by 12:30 and up close to 8 is less sleep than most people would want, and she wanted to exercise so that cuts even more time. Plus that 12:30 is only the time you'll be in bed TRYING to sleep, if she doesn't get to sleep quickly you are burning away the precious few hours anyway.

    The concert is about an hour away, and she did admit to not asking for the day off. However, she works until when we need to leave, which is kinda obnoxious. The concert/evening out was a birthday present for me, so I'm slightly annoyed that she didn't do what she needed to do.

    Depends how this was organised. As I said I know I couldn't afford to just take a day off to go to a concert in the evening, I would have to go after work...I assume she actually NEEDS her job and the money it brings in. I know it's a special occasion but that is the reality of the world...I'm not sure I'd have asked for time off either if I thought I could work and still get to the concert on time.

    Two questions.

    Who planned this trip to the concert?
    Can you make it on time?
     
    #4 BookDragon, Apr 29, 2014
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