I just want someone to talk to...

Okay, so for some background, I have two really close friends, let's call them G (girl) and M (boy). Both know that I'm gay, and reacted 100% positively towards it. I have been able to come to them about anything in the past, and they are really the only people I can come to whenever I have a problem. They are both awesome friends. They are also dating each other. I think they are both really cute together...but they also spend a lot of time together. Not that that's a bad thing, in fact it's very normal. But sometimes it might mean that I feel lonely sometimes.

As I said in a previous topic, I have developed this huge crush on another friend of mine, let's call him S (S stands for Straight). S and I hang out in school a lot, but never outside of school, and we have never been as close as I have been with G and M. My feelings for S are bordering between crush and possibly love, and it's beginning to scare me a little. I feel like a freak, and I would do anything to get S out of my head. But nothing is working. I'm sleeping significantly less than usual. I have even, and this part scares me the most, contemplated cutting myself. I, who holds logic above all else and knows it would solve nothing, am thinking about self-harm! I don't even know why...to punish myself? It's really scaring me and I'm not sure how to handle it.

But I'm worried to try contacting either G or M...G already has a lot going on in her life, and this would only stress her out more. I've tried contacting M to try and start a dialogue about it (I'll just text "hey what's up" and hope we move on from there to my issues) but he's been really distant. I'm worried that there is something going on with him right now (I know that he has cut himself in the past, and he has handled with depression head-on). Or he might just be busy. But regardless, I don't want my thing coming in the way of them. They've both been through a lot, and I mean a LOT a lot, and to burden them with one more thing when they aren't fully recovered from that...it just feels wrong.

But they are like the only two people I can talk to. I don't feel comfortable at all talking to my parents, because I know they would blow the situation out of proportion. But I could hardly tell S. Or anyone else I can think of. I'm just not that close to many people like I am with them. This has made me long for a boyfriend even more, or at least SOMEONE else. When I realize that I only have two people like that to me in my life...I feel kind of like a loser.

Okay, so I know this is a lot to process, but...what should I do? :help::help::help:

 

Yeah I should probably talk with one of them. I'm kind of worried however that talking with someone else like a family member or a counselor would just make the problem worse. I hate it when adults' attention is on me, and I also don't like them getting in my business. The support of my friends, however, is what I would need.

I'm definitely trying to spend less time with S, just to try to get him off my mind. But the problem with a T, R and P is that...I'm not good at making new friends. Sure, I'm great at being friendly with people, but actual friends, with that close of a connection? I can only think of one other person that I might eventually have a connection like that, given some time, although I heard she is moving to California at the end of the school year. And although I'd consider her a friend, not an incredibly close friend. :/

And yeah...here is always an option I suppose. I have trouble getting some of my feelings out though.

 

It may, but I don't really know any LGBT groups nearby...I mean, I'm sure there are some, but...I'm kind of scared to go for some reason. I'm just super freaking nervous about that, I'm not sure I could. Also, just a brief update, I am texting G again and I told her about the cutting, but not about some of the other stuff like the isolation. I'm talking with her now so that might change soon.

And yeah, EC has been very helpful in the past. You guys have helped me greatly.