I didn't want to make 2 threads, so I'll ask 2 questions here. 1. My boyfriend is AMAZING. He's so smart, funny, and mature. All 3 of which, I am not. We live about 2 hours away, so we usually Skype or Facebook chat. I am extremely naive when it comes to relationships or anything of the sort. What he does a lot is some "Digi-cuddling". I'll explain. He'll send messages like *Kisses you* *Cuddles with you* *Pokes you*, kind of like a prompt. But I never have any idea how to respond. I feel stupid, but anytime he messages me, Im afraid I'll say the wrong thing. How can I know how to respond? 2. (And more serious). I suffer from Bipolar and Manic Depression, and while I am on meds, that don't help much. He knows about it, and has been a real trooper and helps me on my darkest days. I've come deadly close to ending my life on 3 occasions recently, and he talked with me each time, and he is the only reason I didn't. What concerns me though is what he said last night. He said "Besides, if I found someone else id have to worry about you getting all depressed, which would be bad.". I've worried about that, and I really don't like feeling that he has to stay with me because of guilt. While I know he loves me, and I love him, I don't want him to feel like he is being forced to date me. What should I do?
One is easy. Do exactly the same thing he did, if it makes sense, add the work 'back'. *Kisses you back* *snuggles closer* *takes your finger and inserts inside me somewhere* (alright, maybe not the last one, but you get the idea). As for the second one...I'll be honest I don't think there are many people who would keep a 'long'(ish) distance relationship going with someone to the detriment of a potentially better, closer relationship just because the other person might get upset...not for very long anyway. I have to ask, because to me that seems like a really odd thing to say out of the blue, what exactly where you talking about before he said that?
About authority. I took some kind of personality test, and it said I have no self confidence, and have a high respect for Authority. And he said I respect Authority a little too much, and that I see myself as inferior, when I real shouldn't. We were just talking about that then that came up out of the blue.
I only ask because Besides, if I found someone else sounds a hell of a lot like it's following up a previous statement addressing something you'd said...basically I'm trying to figure out why he brought up finding someone else in the first place!
Heres the full convo. HIM: We need to make you more individualistic and have a little less respect for authority. Authority is an illusion ME: Not really. Not all people are equal, and some are higher up than others. I figure if I keep out of their way, then no trouble will come. HIM:That is incorrect, people like me enslave people like you ME:Thats just life. Ive come to accept that. HIM:But it doesn't have to be! ME:I wish it didn't have to be. But it's always been that way. People either respect Authority, or die. And I'm terrified of upsetting people, especially those above me. HIM:Are you terrified of upsetting me? ME:To be completely honest..a little. HIM: I'm your boyfriend, not your superior, we are equals ME:But I still feel inferior to you. You have an awesome job, get to mingle with politicians, and are way more mature. I draw and make videos as a living. Not what I'd call prestigious. I mean, I'm not scared of you, Im just scared that Ill say anything wrong and upset you. It's the reason I don't talk a lot, or respond on here in very short sentences. I never know how to respond, or even if I do, it comes out as being immature or just stupid, so I usually shorten it down to very small sentences. HIM: Dude, do you honestly think I care? How else am I gonna help you develop? ME:I know. But I tend to over think how people will respond to me. Especially you. HIM:Why? ME:Because even though Im afraid what other people think of me, if I offend them, then I could get over it. But Im afraid Ill say the wrong thing to you and you'll get mad at me. HIM:If we are in a relationship we will eventually get mad at the other, if rather it happen sooner than later ME:I know that. But I really don't want it to happen at all. HIM:And it needs to, it's part of a healthy relationship ME:Thats true I guess HIM:Will you move on if you find someone better than me? ME:There's nobody better than you babe.You're everything I ever could have hoped for, and more HIM:You can be too damn optimistic at times. Besides, if I found someone else id have to worry about you getting all depressed, which would be bad. Besides, youre too cute sometimes *huggles you*
OK that makes a lot more sense. I don't get the impression he feels FORCED to date you at all. From the sounds of things his big worry is this idea that not only are you looking down on yourself but you are elevating him further than he ever should be. Now in any relationship there will be a bit of that, it's natural, but not to the degree that you are doing it (and trust me, I would be doing the same thing so I know exactly WHY you are doing it and how it feels!). Problem is, with such a large gap between the two of you in your mind, it leads to potential problems. Now if, for whatever reason, you DID break up, most of the time it's not an end of the world thing, you can move on. It sucks for a while (sometimes I really long while) but it's not the end of days. Now to me it seems like he's worried that if it ever DID come to the end of your relationship (and I'll say more about this in a second) then he WILL feel stuck, because at the moment you he seems to feel like you've elevated him so high and put yourself so low that losing him would end you, and nobody wants that on their conscience. I said I would say more about the end, and I'm going to now. Think about your sources of authority. You look at them and they do things that you can't do. You even admitted during your back-and-fourth that they get away with things that you can't. I wish it didn't have to be. But it's always been that way. People either respect Authority, or die. Now putting someone that high up is a breeding ground for problems. For starters there is the fear that this guy who means so much to you is going to find someone better and leave you. Keep in mind, this isn't even a case of someone 'better for him', its someone 'BETTER THAN YOU'. There are others but I won't bore you with them, suffice to say neither you nor he wants to find yourself in a situation where this gap in value becomes a problem. Your boyfriend has an odd way of saying things, but essentially all I'm getting from him is that he wants you to realise that even if you don't value yourself, HE values YOU. Have you heard the phrase "It's worth what someone will pay?" before? Essentially it means that an item is only as valuable as the amount someone will pay for it. Which is why if I start trying to sell my own poo in a tin I'm going to get laughed at, but tell someone it's art an it sells for nearly 100k (see Piero Manzoni's 'merde d'artista). Basically it doesn't matter if you think you are crap. It doesn't matter if I think you're crap. It doesn't matter if the whole WORLD thinks you are crap. THIS guy thinks you are great. He wants you to value yourself, but if you can't see the value in yourself, you need to at least work on seeing that he values you even if you don't understand WHY.
Thank you so much!I think you're right, and I will try not to look down n myself so much. It's a hard habit to break.
