I've been dating my girlfriend, my best friend, for over 4 years. started freshman year of college. We've been through a lot, mostly issues that have to do with her negative outlook on life and undiagnosed depression... But after four years, we started living together, and it literally feels like i'm in a relationship with a glorified best friend. She is still head over heels for me, but I can't say I feel the same. I love her and love to hold her and live with her and laugh with her... but i'm starting to be attracted to other people. I've been feeling like this for 6+ months, and we've fought a lot more about the future (she's ready to marry and i'm not). Is it time to let go? I don't want to throw away our history, but I know she would not be able to be anything with me if not a relationship. I don't know what to do, I think i've fallen out of love...
You could just ask to have a break, but maybe it's living together that has strained your relationship. Who are the other people you're attracted to? Do you know them well? Is this your first relationship? It could be you're having commitment anxiety, but also it may be you are feeling more obligated to stay than a willing partner, which isn't healthy.
Well, to add even more complications, she's deployed. but i've been feeling this way for a while and she knows it. Realistically, the attractions have been here and there, a couple I know, and then adds the desire to want to act on them (though I know I wont being in a relationship). Then I feel guilty. Yes, this is both of our first relationship. She and I both dated guys in highschool, but no serious relationship with either sex until each other. (also, we're each others "firsts"). I'm afraid I do feel obligated, but its hard when she's reminding me of all the good times we've had, and how she wants to take care of me forever (and I know she would). I sometimes think (and she tells me when i forget) that I would never find someone who loves me like she does, but its not fair if I'm not 100% there for her.
Personally, I think if you're feeling like you want out (which is what it seems like to me), give her the Dear Jane letter and find what makes you happy. Also this Emotional manipulation, pure and simple. That's no way to carry on in any type of relationship.
I used to date a girl who suffers from depression. we used to be just friends but she wanted more. I love her as a friend but she wanted us to be together. She asked me to just give it a chance so I did. we dated for a few months and she changed. she became happier and more optimistic and I was happy for her. Then I told her I don't feel the same, I only love her as a friend and she threatened me with suicide. she said she's gonna kill herself if I break up with her. I ended up staying with her for a few more months (my excuse was im trying to be a good friend) till I met someone I really like so I told her that she have to let me go so I can b happy with the person I like. She had a hard time letting me go and turned back being depressed, I felt bad but I had to stand my ground. I sacrificed my freedom for her happiness and it's her turn to do the same. It was hard at first, I had to ignore her coz everytime I talk to her she tries to make me feel bad so I will go back to her but I stood my ground and told her if she really loves me she have to let me be happy. She disappeared and haven't heard from her for a few months, and when I finally did, she already accepted the fact that we can't be together and started seeing someone else. We are still friends till now. My point is, sometimes we have to do things that can cause unintentional pain to others in order to find our happiness. if you are positive that you want out, then you have to tell her. she might not agree but what can you do. you can either stay with her, keep her happy and be miserable, or ask for your freedom to find your own happiness. The way I see it you can't b happy and keep her happy at the same time since you both want different things. She's gonna b hurt. She's gonna need time to heal and that probly means not having you in her life even as friends. so you have to v ready for that too. if you can't save the relationship, atleast save the friendship. It won't happen right away but it will. Good luck girl
