Every decision I make for the better seems to lead me down the same path of wanting to off myself. I accept the fact that I'm gay then my parents make me constantly feel like shit so I start dating my best guy friend (who I warned that I was dating him to try and be straight) but I don't think I can do this anymore everything is even more fucked up now and I just want to die.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but dating a guy friend when you know you're not straight is definitely not a decision for the better. You know it can't possibly end well. It's wrong of your parents to treat you badly because of who you are but you need to be strong and live through it. They aren't going to be in your life forever. I know it's hard but you can do it. Ignore or avoid them when they try to say something bad to you. Don't listen to them, because you know there's nothing at all wrong with being lesbian. Even if they're your parents, they should love and accept you any way you are, and they aren't doing that which is not your fault.
Hey, I know that right now everything seems to be absolutely terrible. But it will get better! I just found out who I really am this past month and it has been absolutely hands down one of the hardest things that I have ever been through! It is still hard for me almost every day since I have fallen for this guy and I have no idea if he even feels remotely the same way...I know it can be incredibly difficult to not have your parents support, but there are still people out there that love and support you for who you are(like us!)...and who knows maybe your parents will come around one day. I may not know who you really are....but I am here for you! It will get better!
It's hard to give good advice that is specific to your situation without knowing some details. The core of the problem seems to be your parents based on what you've written. So, how are they making you feel like shit? What are they forcing you to do? Do you still live with them? Are you financially dependent upon them? If you are living with them and/or financially dependent upon them, do you think you could ever be at risk of losing your housing or financial support - are they attempting to attach strings to it?
My parents are extremely anti homosexual and when I told them I was gay they said a bunch of hurtful shit and called me selfish, disrespectful, self absorbed and such. They also said I have no morals anymore and that I'm heading down a dangerous road and will amount to nothing. The only time they're happy with me is if I'm doing what they agree with
As hard as it is to hear things like that from them, you can't take emotional ownership of their opinions, thoughts, or feelings. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what they think, it only matters what you think and how you feel. You're an adult now, and so they don't have the power to influence your life as they once did. You have the ability to set boundaries and limitations, telling them what is appropriate and what is not appropriate, and only engaging with them when they're treating you with respect. If they're not treating you with respect, you have the option to walk away - as you do with any other relationship. You should strive not to internalize their hateful words and messages. Instead of feeling pain, look for anger instead. You have a right to be angry when people mistreat you.
So I broke up with my boyfriend for a total of 5 whole hours before breaking down and getting back together with him. I mean, shit, what am I supposed to do? I'm afraid to lose him because he's my best friend but at the same time I don't necessarily feel how I should towards him. Being a biromantic lesbian sucks.
