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need help with love/friendship coping

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by AlecOrAlice, May 4, 2014.

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  1. AlecOrAlice

    AlecOrAlice
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Illinois
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    i am as of now an ftm, but i am still part of the lesbian community to a degree. i realized i was gay when i met a girl in middle school that i am still friends with today(i am a high school graduate, going to college). She is a year older than me, and i have dated alot of people that have treated me horribly and have generally been abused and left. She had been interested in me for a long time, and i had been interested in her but we never actually dated. We have talked on and off for the last couple of years, and she is still one of my only true friends that i don't hate/doesn't start excessive drama or take things from me. I still have really strong feelings for her, but she is dating a guy(she is bisexual) that she feels close to, but still has feelings for me, though i'm unsure as to what degree. I want to start hanging out with her again, but every time we talk it hurts me because i feel like us trying to date is long overdue, and i am unsure how to deal with it. I feel like every time she leaves my house and i remember we are not a couple i want to stab my eyes out with a razor. I have never felt so sick with myself for liking someone, and i don't know what to do, whether i should back off or pressure for an answer, and whether it is worth risking our friendship to try and make this happen considering how much she means to me, even though it hurts me incredibly. Neither of us are moving anywhere and she literally lives ten minutes from my house. We have been through our entire lives together and have been through good and bad, and i am in so much pain emotionally and i can't stop thinking about it. i don't know where else to go and every time someone leaves me to tell me there interested in someone else or i am not the one even though i am apparently perfect, i always go back to thinking about her. This has been going on for at least 5 years. She specifically wants us to start hanging out again. What do i do? please help, i am so lost i can't do anything with myself.
     
    #1 AlecOrAlice, May 4, 2014
  2. BIazn07

    BIazn07
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    first of all I wanna say sorry how others treated you. nobody deserves to be treated poorly. back to your question, it's pretty obvious that being away from each other is hurting both of you. And also SHE is reaching out for you so what is holding you back..? your friendship has a deep foundation the way I see it so I think you should take her offer. why hurt yourself by being away from her if you both obviously wants to be around each other. Now when you said she still had feelings for you, does that mean she admitted to you that she likes you more than friends..? coz if that's the case then you should go for it. she is reaching out for you, and to me that is taking a step forward to you. it looks like it's your turn to take the next step. would you rather keep your feelings hidden and have her in your life as a friend or would you wanna take that risk and tell her how you feel that might end up either you guys together or her turning you down. OR you can hurt yourself more by staying away from her loving her from a distance, watching someone else give her the attention and love she needs coz you are too scared to ask her.
     
    #2 BIazn07, May 4, 2014
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