I just need a little advice on what to do. While i was in the closet I met this boy (we will call him Alex) in one of my classes in college, and over time I developed a crush on him. I was still in the closet but I was he and I would flirt back and forth constantly in class. Eventually I had to move out of the city, thus my school too. After a while, I added him on Facebook. We started chatting again about random stuff and he asked me if I was gay because I was giving of that impression. I told them that I was a metrosexual if anything but honestly was confused. We started talking a lot since then. We texted each other about once a day. About a month later, with some egging on by one of my friends, I told him about the crush that I had on him. He let me down gently saying that the attraction is there but its just not time. He was really sweet about it and he said that he needed more friends right now than love interests, so we agreed to be friends. I would be lying if I said it didn't sting a little, but i was happy to stay friends with such an awesome guy. About 2 weeks later, by sheer coincidence, we managed to plan a day where we could go to "D-land to have a gay time". It was for his friends birthday, but it meant I got to finally see him in person again. I constantly told myself that we were just friends, but it did not curve my excitement any less. That day really confused me. The whole day consisted of nothing but him being really sweet to me, holding my hand, him leaning on my should and cuddling. (BTW I now consider myself to be a graysexual so this is all i ever wanted from a relationship) At the end of this phenomenal day, he unintentionally ruined it by saying that WE could never be because he can't do long distance, and that if he said that we could try, he would be lying to himself and me. This was extremely devastating to me. I finally got a taste of everything I wanted in a relationship only to be let down by the end of the day. The following day I convinced myself that I shouldn't text him as much and that I shouldn't bother him. (INSERT TAYLOR SWIFT'S 'I KNEW YOU WERE TROUBLE') Despite feeling hurt, I got really excited when he started texting me first and started making phone calls! Needless to say, I really enjoyed talking to him. He invited me to his family's party, which I ditched my friends at the beach to go to. It was a really awesome time! It was more cuddling and head massaging and flirting. That and a lot of basic fun, non-relationship type elements. Anyways, this leads to my predicament. I know that we are just friends, but everything he doing when I do hang out with him is what I solely want in a relationship. Should I try to stop talking with him, because I'm getting no where with him? Should I let him know that I feel like I'm practically dating him? Should I just enjoy this ride and not change anything. We are planning to hang out more and we still text and talk on the phone. Thanks for any advice, opinions and comments. :help:
I don't know if this problem is common with others in the community, LGBTQ* or otherwise. I would just like some kind of feedback.
As usual, and that's only me, I'd go for just telling him how you really feel, and be honest about it. You'll eventually get hurt alot more than the first time he told you "we couldn't be" if you keep it up like this. Unless you make it clear to him just how much he means to you, and making sure he -understands- you will be hurting if all the good times end up in nothing... due to... something, the chances of you ending up destroyed are high. He seems to like your company, otherwise he wouldn't enjoy these rather close moments with you as much. But love doesn't work one-sided. Find out how much you really mean to him. That's the best way to either start the real relationship you want (And he probably secretly wants as well), or to get out before you end up giving your heart away completely to someone who will eventually just trample it (But by the sound of it, that's not like him ). You graysexuality is also an important part. Be honest about that as well. It wouldn't be fair to him if you kept that a secret - if he does love you back more than you think, and he doesn't know about it, it might lead to uncomfortable situations which could be avoided. Stopping to talk is not the solution. Talking is the solution. Just talk about what is important to you.
Thank you for the advice Black Raven. I let him know last night I was a graysexual. I'm hoping to discuss what it means to him tonight. I know it's gonna be tough to explain to him how much he means to me, but I will do it soon. I'd rather be crushed now than let it live and get crushed later. I just.... I just hope you're right about love not being one sided and that he might have some feeling for me. But I guess we will see, right?
Only time will tell. I wish you the best of luck and love. It's part of my philosophy that luck and happiness comes to those who are bold. And you are very bold by approaching him with the matter directly. It's not an easy step to make. Don't hesitate to come back to report and get more feedback if you feel that'll help, whatever the outcome.
If its everything you want in a relationship why press him for officialness? Try and see him more if possible and let him call it what he wants to call it. He clearly has a thing for you. Just sit back and enjoy the ride, see where it ends up.
Ok, what we have been doing is a majority of what I want in a relationship. I also want the more intimate parts such as kissing, cuddling, etc. The furthest we've been so far is holding hands and other close actions. And besides, I kinda also what the title that I have a boyfriend. Maybe that last part is just selfish, but... it just represents that I have someone to call my own. :icon_wink
UPDATE: I told him about my sexuality a couple days ago, and explained what it meant. He then said " Oh (My name), what am I going to do with you?" I was really confused. He told me that he really liked me romantically, but being gay (i'm say 'gay' to imply that he is romantically and SEXUALLY attracted to the same gender) he wanted a sexual relationship as well. I told him that I wasn't ready for one just yet, but being graysexual wasn't the same as asexual; that I was still interested in sex, just not as much as the average person and we can do all the romantic stuff together. After much talking about that and where we were, we agreed to be in a relationship together!!!!! TL;DR We are now in a romantic (for now) relationship together, and it seems to be going fine!
Just read through this. That sounds like such a great outcome!! I wish you both a happy relationship!
This is SO good to hear! I am very happy and glad for both of you. Suppose good old honesty worked again, and my advice wasn't in vain. I wish you the best, and always feel free to come back if anything comes up! Now go forth and enjoy your relationship! Cheers, Raven
