I've been seeing this guy for a while now and while I like him, quite a lot actually, I can't stand being around his friends. His friends love to gossip and talk about everyone behind their backs and I just don't like being around it and it kind of worries me that the person I'm falling in love with is friends with these people because I'm afraid I'll be sucked in. I definitely don't want to be someone who controls their bf but I'm not sure what to do because It prevents me from getting close to him as that means getting closer to his friends.
I had a similar situation except it was my bf as in best friend not boy friend. Basically her boyfriend was a douche ( excuse my French ) and everyone saw it but her. I decided I had 3 options hang with her while he was there and hopefully not develop some bad habits, hang around her while he wasn't there, or not hang around her at all. I don't like the ultimatum me or him by the way, if I ever did that I would hope she would choose him and vice versa. Anyways I decided I would hang around her just not while he was with her which became a little difficult but it was what was best for me and him in the end ( otherwise he wouldn't be able to have children). Eventually they broke up and I was much happier (so was she). This was my experience. I picked what worked best for all of us but it might not be for you. Hell you could find more choices to choose from for all I know. Just do what you think is right for you and everyone else involved.
Sounds to me like your best bet would be to have a conversation with your boyfrien. You won't want to sound like you're casting judgement on his friends or make it seem like you're better than them. I would simply tell him you don't agree with their version of friendship, that you'd prefer not to be around it, and ask your boyfriend what the two of you can do about this. It would be much better to let your boyfriend be part of the solution than to take matters into your own hands and break up or something. What the previous poster said, about avoiding the friends, could work if he doesn't see them very often. If he spends a lot of time with his friends, it might mean sacrificing a lot of time with your boyfriend. Good luc! Hope this works out for you.
Does it? Why do you have to get close to his friends to get close to him? You can have separate social groups and function perfectly well...
I agree that you're in a relationship with your boyfriend, not his friends. You should definitely talk to him and say you would prefer not to hang out with his friends, and be honest that you don't like gossip. I think that's a perfectly reasonable explanation.
