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Living with a messy partner.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ProtegeMoi, May 7, 2014.

  1. ProtegeMoi

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    This has been my greatest pet peeve lately and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm not a surgically clean person, but clean enough that you could probably eat off any surface in the house and not worry.

    I live with a very sloppy and messy person, but I don't like picking up excessively after adults. I'm not a maid and I feel like I spend more time cleaning up after other people then I do enjoying life sometimes.

    does anyone else have this problem and how do you handle it?
     
  2. Dinah

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    You're not the only one. Doesn't matter how hard I try to clean my home up and keep it clean, my wife comes home from work and my entire day's efforts are laid to waste in a matter of 2 or 3 hours. I give up, shutdown and quit trying. Not the best solution, no doubt there, but like you, I'm not going to spend all my time following her around cleaning up a perpetual tornado strike zone.

    ---------- Post added 7th May 2014 at 07:18 AM ----------

    I find it particularly amusing that there's this notion that 'guys' are inherently more messy than girls.
     
  3. Alehkz

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    My partner wasn't dirty but she was messy. And then she blamed whatever mess there was a round the house on me. I was a stay at home partner and a full time student, so whenever I could, I'd clean the house pristine. It would last a while but if there was the slightest hint of mess or something got dirty (like the toilet) she would expect me to clean it. One time she had the nerve to ask "why haven't you scrubbed the toilet?", very angrily, to which I replied, " don't talk to me like that. I didn't notice, but if it is so disgusting why don't you give it a simple little scrub?". She came to a point to where she expected me to clean. But when we argued -"get out of MY apartment." That would be her alibi. I did the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, taking care of the pets....I grew tired. And I lost respect for her and....love. I didn't feel appreciated. I stopped cleaning. I'd maintain things tidy but not sparkling clean as I once did. I left her. She is now my ex. I'm not a maid.
     
  4. Dinah

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    That's about it for me. I feel like the only reason I'm still with my wife is because my life has spiraled so far out of control that if she left, I'd be in some serious financial trouble. I still love her, mind you, but it just doesn't feel the same as it used to. The sad part is all the warning signs were there before we got married, while she was living with her parents after her first marriage failed, I cleaned up her room quite substantially, and a week later it was as if I'd never laid a hand on any one part of the mess that she had created.
     
  5. BIazn07

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    I feel you brother. for some reason I never had the luck to date a non-messy guy so I'm starting to question their existence lol. I live with the father of my child and he is just messy. Since I'm on mat leave atm, I try my best to do most of the house chores while taking care of our baby girl. I don't mind doing the major cleaning at all but if it's something as little as putting his dirty dishes in th dishwasher or not leaving his dirty clothes on the couch, he can't even do. And yes we got into an argument about scrubbing the toilet too! how hard is it to scrub it after he used it! And what makes me even mad is the fact that his excuse was always "I'm tired from work, I'll do it later" yet when he's friends are coming over for the weekend and they will be hanging out in his "man cave" he spends an hour or two cleaning up and rearranging his mancave before the weekend. I talked to him about it before and he's gonna clean up for a few days then back to being messy again after and I'm getting tired of it.
     
  6. Dinah

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    Exacly. To her it's completely unimportant until someone is supposed to come over for something, even if they're not going to be here for very long at all. Then and only then does she get into this 'we have to clean the whole place beforehand (in just a few days, prior to a visit).

    :bang::bang::bang::bang::bang:
     
  7. LostAndAffraid

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    What other reason is there to clean? Why does the house have to be clean all the time?
     
  8. greatwhale

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    In situations like this, it is almost impossible to change another person's habits of neatness or cleanliness. The first thing to do is communicate how you feel about it, second, negotiate: get very detailed and specific about what you want, then hear what he wants. Try to get agreement that a neater house is better than a messy one. For example, he doesn't want to put his clothes away? OK, propose that he can throw them down, but only on that chair over there. Can't be bothered to keep things neat everywhere, OK, let him keep his mess confined to one area of the room.

    Negotiation clarifies what each party wants, sets boundaries and also sets the parameters for dealing with future disagreements...

    Who said relationships are easy?
     
  9. Illus1

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    Hmm, I'm the person that cleans for company to keep up appearances, like GW said some of us can't change, I tried sticking to a schedule of cleaning every sunday a full thorough cleaning and 'small' cleaning in the week because of the housemates agreement and I stuck to it, now on my own that schedule is in the trash(actually behind the bed awaiting to be put in the trash papers) so just set up some reasonable agreement and well be clean just don't be one of those anal types. I lived with a guy once who's face would turn if I accidentally dropped a vegetable on the dining table or if he found a strand of hair in the couch or would fluff and move your couch pillow as soon as u stood up, get mad because you left the remote control on the couch and didn't put it on that perfect spot on the side table parallel to the tissue box & at 45 degrees from the lamp(you get my drift)
     
  10. Dinah

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    I don't expect spotless, but you should really see my house.......

    ---------- Post added 8th May 2014 at 07:17 AM ----------

    The problem in my case goes far beyond a matter of my wife just generally being tired after a long days work and playing the 'fuck it' card. It's more a matter that she tends to just fumble her way through whatever she does. Like putting a sharp cooking knife on top of the coffee maker, or hanging precariously over the edge of the countertop, or on top of a stack of flimsy aluminum tins in the upper cabinet above the countertop/coffee maker etc. (last night, actually) next to all the plates and glasses. It's a matter of indescribable carelessness.

    "Clothes hangers, fuck it, I'll just take the clothes I want and toss the hangers pretty much anywhere EXCEPT back in the closet. On the floor, yup, on the dresser, yup, on the couch, got that covered too, and for good measure, let's leave some in the kitchen as well, because why not"
     
    #10 Dinah, May 8, 2014
    Last edited: May 8, 2014