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Should I Continue & Try To Make Friends With My Crush Despite Her Dating Someone?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bisexualkpopfan, May 9, 2014.

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  1. bisexualkpopfan

    bisexualkpopfan Guest

    Hey guys!^^

    I know it's been a long time since I've really made any posts or threads, but that's because number one, school and number two, I'm really heartbroken.

    You see, I have this crush on a girl and so, I've been trying to get out of my shell and talk to her. Well, that still hasn't been going good because I'm still really shy and so our conversations are short and really awkward and that really doesn't make me happy because I'm still not even friends with her yet. Anyways, I did find out that she was a lesbian, however, she already has someone else...

    I claim that I do JUST want to be friends with her and of course I will respect her relationship because I don't want to break two people apart, but just yesterday, a girl that's not even in our class, who is just someone who came for like one day, sat on the other side of her and even they talked more than in the weeks I've known her. I ended crying so much that day - I get she has a girlfriend, but for some reason, there's something in me that wants me to herself - Since I got so jealous with just a classmate who sat by her, what will I do if I actually meet her girlfriend and they kiss or something in front of me?

    I am okay with the fact that we are not going to be together, but I still have this really bad urge for her to notice me and be impressed by me... I've stayed up late for the past two nights just because I couldn't stop thinking about it...

    So, with all this being said, should I still be making friends with her or should I talk to someone else? I feel as though my feelings for her might grow if we get closer, but I think I would be super happy if she at least became a friend...

    And also, does anyone know how to get over these things? I mean, there are other really pretty girls I want to get to know more at school too, but I think this crush affects me so much because she is like the only one I thought I could have a chance with because she likes girls...

    Thanks for all the help guys!! :slight_smile:
     
    #1 bisexualkpopfan, May 9, 2014
  2. rainmustfall

    rainmustfall Guest

    I think it is okay to be friends with someone you are attracted to, even if right now they are dating someone else. I would recommend that you spend time with other friends and family and not flirt with them though. Don't play games that would get both of you hurt, and be as open about your feelings as you can without making them uncomfortable. Don't deny attraction if they ask, but try not to get in the way of any relationships that they are in. Maybe sometime down the road things will change. Who knows?
     
    #2 rainmustfall, May 9, 2014
  3. bisexualkpopfan

    bisexualkpopfan Guest

    Thank you so much for your advice, I will do as you said. I have been trying to think about other friends, but for some reason, I just think about her... But I will try to stop and control my feelings! Thanks again :slight_smile:
     
    #3 bisexualkpopfan, May 9, 2014
  4. Straight ally

    Straight ally
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    Hey, i have gone throught a similar situation. I had a crush with a girl once, and then i became her friend, now we are good friends. Even more important, i fell out of love after many months.

    My recomendation: acknowledge that having a friend is a good thing by itself, even a rare precious thing, it is not maybe as good as being her girlfriend, but is still a good thing. Acknowledge that by becoming her friend you are notmlosing anything, instead you are winning something, you didnt break up with her, you never have been partners, you cannot lose what you didnt had, so you instead have more than you had before knowing her.

    Become her friend, entirely, act like one, learn to fill happyf for her, even help her and give her advice regarding her girlfriend, and ask help yourself from her, tell her about any girl you find cute, attrractive or nice and be mischivous about it just like friends are. I discovered that mischivousness and focusing on 'other girls' that are not her and sharing that with your crush helps the process of falling out of love, specialy if you dont mantain some false hopes or illusions about her changing her mind, breaking up with her girlfriend and suddenly fallin in your arms. Yes avoid false hopes, ironically false hope is the road to despair.

    Dont try to impress her, instead tell her about your weakness, secrets etc(if you have trust in her). This along the mischevously talking about girls helps changing your frame of mind from ' let impress her, lets show her she is for me the only girl in the world' to ' she is my friend, let relax together, i can be vulnerable, i dont need to impress a friend'.

    In my case, the thing that made me fall outnof love the most, was when we took class in nearby class rooms at college, and before the proffesor arrived there was this hot hot girl that had perfect boobs and most of the time had a very revealing cleavage that was in the same class as my crush. I got along with the hot girl, and she is the type of person that likes to hug a lot, this +cleavage+ big boobs lead to many mischivous conversations where my crush made fun of me, and me of her (she is bisexual), we made fun at each other and talked about the hot girl and in that procces of sharing we became better friends, and the more i loved the friendship, the less i felt the urging need of being her boyfriend.

    Its all about working in your frame of mind and perspective.

    :goodluck:
     
    #4 Straight ally, May 10, 2014
  5. bisexualkpopfan

    bisexualkpopfan Guest

    Oh my goodness, this is so helpful, thank you so much for this advice! And thanks for telling me your story, you are right, becoming friends with her would be a blessing, and I shouldn't ask for anymore. However, I am not sure if I will fall out of love because my demiromantic side of me tends to just make me fall more in love with someone as I get closer and closer to a woman. However, I do have some other people I want to get to know and make connections with - Perhaps I'll have a chance with them! Again, thank you lots :slight_smile:
     
    #5 bisexualkpopfan, May 10, 2014
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