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Can't Deal With My Jealousy

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Dino14, May 9, 2014.

  1. Dino14

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2014
    Messages:
    55
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    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    So, a bit of a backstory. I am not entirely out of the closet; I did come out once, but it never really registered so it's like I am back in the closet. I am not scared to form relationships. I have spoken and got to know many girls, many of whom always end up saying "omg you're so sweet, you're literally like my best friend." Needless to say, they never go anywhere. I've been single for 6 years and have only had one serious relationship which ended after I was cheated on.

    Anyway, whilst I have learned to live with my loneliness many people in my circles are starting to find their way in life. Many of my single friends are now in relationships (I'm the only single one) and I am also my grandparents only single grandchild over 16 so it makes for awkward conversations when we have family gatherings.

    I am really starting to get jealous of everybody around me, because no matter how hard I try, or don't try, nothing ever works. My brother is getting married soon and is about to become a Dad for the second time, and my cousin is also expecting a baby in the coming weeks. My friends are always talking about the babies in their families that are being born and weddings that they are attending and it gets me really down. One of my close friends is talking about wanting her boyfriend to propose and how they think they're going to try for a second baby soon but I can't bring myself to say anything. I mean, I should be happy right?

    I've just been invited to a friend's baby's first birthday party and I know I'm going to be on a downer the whole day despite how happy I pretend to be; but it's not fair if I don't go because that's just selfish.

    I am happy with myself; but the more I face rejection and stare at other people's happiness it makes me resent everything and everyone.

    Sorry for the long post - but I really don't know what to do.
     
  2. Alehkz

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2014
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    The feeling is understandable. What you must keep in mind is that happiness is more than being with someone. If you make people your happiness, you will be without. Just like your own company shouldn't signal loneliness, other peoples happiness shouldn't signal something you are without. You are their happiness. That's why they want to share their lives with you and include you. Likewise, live for today and for this moment knowing that the right person will meet you in order to have a romantic relationship. The trick to happiness isn't always finding it, but keeping it that matters most. That's the trick to any relationship. There is no worst feeling than the prescense of someone who doesn't inspire company. Enjoy the day with your friends, learn from their happiness, and radiate what you want to have in your life. That is the best way to attract a positive person who you can make a part of your already existing happiness. Does that make sense?