I am sorry, I don't know where to put this, but I just felt like I needed to write about how I feel. I am 20 years old and I have no friends, I used to but we drifted apart nearly 5 years ago. I started university September and now I finished my first year without even making one friend, and I see all these other people making friends and connections and I feel useless. I also have social anxiety, I saw a professional and I know how to cope with being in the same room with a lot of people without panicking, but I can't talk to them. I just already know that I make them uncomfortable by the way they look at me, so I leave right away when lectures are over and go straight home. It is just that now I feel so alone and it hurts, the only people I have are my family. But then I think that I might be gay and if they knew then I would have no one and it terrifies me. I feel so weak, I am crying as I write this, I don't cry I have never been the type to cry I always try to avoid emotion. But I feel so alone. I don't know what to do. I am sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest. I just feel like I will be alone forever and I have no one I can truly talk to.
I used to be like this. Feeling alone is a horrible feeling. The thing to remember is that being alone is something that you can change with your own actions and perception of yourself. I know it is not easy, but realize that a lot of feeling that other people are uncomfortable is created by internal self perception. It is a vicious cycle that you can change by changing your routine, what you do and how you live your life. Easier said than done. Try to do a little something every day. Make sure to spend time outside of your safe space(example your room, apartment etc.) and get out into the world. With time things should get better.
Being alone is not a bad thing. I grew up having lots of friends and now I barely have a few. Appreciate being alone and learn how to better yourself. Although I do suggest to try and be more social. Get more involved, join a club but just remember that change starts with you. Everyday set a goal, like "today I will reach out to one person, or start by asking about class work etc" I personally feel that being alone is a great thing but then again it took me a while to figure this out as I have been in your shoes before. Be more comfortable and confident in your own shoes.
Thanks for the advice, I know what I have to do it was just that all my feelings came to a boil. I am used to being alone and feel my most comfortable by myself, but occasionally I just feel awful being by myself. Yet I feel like I don't deserve to talk to people or have friends, I am usually fine with my situation but yesterday was just one of my off days. It's too hard for me to put myself out there so I think I will just deal with it and stay alone as it is much easier, this was me just needing to vent and I feel much better now. Thank you for the advice and comments.
You live in London and go to university... I hear London uni has a good LGBT society which seems focused on community as opposed to sexual networking. Why not start by simply joining the fb page then once an event comes up go along and, as your nervous, wait til someone engages you in conversation?
