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My boy friend makes me melt

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sam2, May 11, 2014.

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  1. Sam2

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    So after posting so much crap about the negative aspects of my life, i realize i have still not explained "Gary" and my history before we started dating. Sorry but this is gonna be a long post"

    ( for those who don't know, I've been bullied my whole life. both at school and at home. So many times I've been attacked and other kids and even teachers, no lie, just walk by. they said nothing, they did nothing. Well the scronny kid I was in elementary is not what i look like now. I'm 6"2 and quite big. not buff, a bit of a gut haha but not fat either. and i work out all the time. It was 9th grade I decided that i would never stand by while someone else was being abused. I would tell the abuser to stop or start fighting. and to be honest with how angry i was [still dealing with that a bit, but i don't like fighting anymore], i was sorta lookin for problems)

    So lets rewind 3 years to my sophomore year.. I had just been transferred to a new school (this was like the 6th time). At the time I was an angry pill popping kid, who did shitty in school. But i was in a completely new environment, an upper middle class school for a change. I had thought there would be less fighting here. I found that here theres a lot of bullying not too much fighting. So a month or so into the year and it's gym class. I am high on a mixture of Vicodin and adderall and I see a kid in the corner being taunted and hit by some lacrosse players they're calling him a faggot and laughing, I've been there so i walked up to them and asked why they were hurting this kid. They said cause he's a faggot and asked if i wanted to help them. I said no and told them to stop. They laughed and said something like "Looks like we got ourselves a fag-lover here" and their attention turned to me, back then I loved fighting, It made my High even better. We started arguing and then one of them swung at me, and a fight broke out. It was just me and one of them and I just remember knocking one of his teeth out, grabbing his throat and yelling apologize to me and this kid (Didn't even know his name at that time) he apologized and the fight was over. (Later that year he and his friends would jump me and get me back) I asked "gary if he was okay and helped him up, I remember saying something like if they give you shit again just ask for help and I got your back. I felt bad for him, because I found out that his friends had abandoned him when he came out of the closet. And i was hard core in the closet but i remember very clearly him asking if i was gay and i just said "Fuck no!!!" But we became good friends, mostly just smoked bud and played video games or did other stupid teenage shit, he was never into pills.

    the other day we were talking about this and he told me that from day one he had a
    crush on me. But I remember he never hit on me, (why hit on someone you thought was strait) His words exactly were "You were like a super hero, and all i wanted was to be accepted and almost no one was ok with my sexuality. But you hung out with me and acted like there was no problem (Gay or straight it is not, and should not be a problem) you were there for me when i needed a friend most, I had girl friends but i still wanted to do guy stuff, I'm not a stereotypical gay person."
    I said "even if i wasn't gay, and you were a bit of a stereotype i still would've hung out with you"
    Him "Thats why you're so great, you're kind and sweet and caring."

    I can't even describe how great it was and is to know that. I've always just thought of myself as a junky who only hurt other people. But here's gary, a guy I have incredibly strong feelings for who says he wouldn't know how he could've gotten through 10th grade without me. For the first time in...... well for as long as i can remember I felt important and loved.

    We were still friends in 11th grade. But the abuse of pharmaceutical drugs was beginning to spiral out of control. I began to need opiates to sleep, soon needed 2 Oxycontin's every morning or I would wake up and want to die, like legitimate suicidal thoughts from the first second of the morning, sweating and puking and hurting everywhere. The Oxycontin led to Morphine, and Dilauded. School no longer mattered and i wouldn't go if i didn't have pills. Fast forward to the 3rd quarter of 11 grade, and I was shooting heroin, I had stopped going to school completely and no longer saw Gary or many other people for that matter. Soon homeless. when i quit after 9 months of injecting only 8 months of being homeless. I went home and asked if i could come back. My parents let me in And then I just sat in my bed for the next two weeks.

    I returned to school, and tried to get my life back on track. Gary was happy to see me but I didn't remember him much, and did not tell anyone but very close friends where i had been (It's not that I didn't care about him, it's that I didn't remember anything.) My whole drug use stage was a giant blur. And i am only recently remembering these things.

    But this very deep conversation happened just a few days ago (How much we like each other) and with that conversation in mind I told him about my history with drugs today, I'm gonna have to put that as another post, this post is getting redonculusly long haha. But the end is that I don't think we were ever just friends. I'm starting to think we always had these feelings for each other, I was repressing it and he thought I was straight. we haven't been dating long but I have never felt more loved and have never felt so strong for someone. When we hang out just knowing I am with him gives me butterfly's, can't even describe it when we kiss :kiss:, and as my bronchitis is for the most part gone we make out, it's more romantic than sexual all the way, and when we hold hands I feel like I'm gonna melt. haha he is just so great :slight_smile:
     
  2. a1rborne

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    Nothing tops the butterflies :slight_smile:. I'm happy to hear that you are doing better (*hug*).
     
  3. resu

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    That was a good backstory, and it does sound like you two had a subconscious connection. I'm always jealous of my straight friends who had long-term relationships in high school; many of them are happily married.
     
  4. Sam2

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    Yea the fact that we knew each other before makes me a lot more comfortable with him. Especially cause I'm so shy
     
  5. all paths

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    I love reading this kind of thing. :love:

    Congratulations to you, Sam. <3 And my best to you both. :slight_smile:
     
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