Hello everyone, I have been going over this in my head for a while and I thought why not ask the good people of EC? But first, a brief background: It was not too long ago that I accepted my sexuality and went through a depressing phase. I was too distraught to even think of relationships and I was very worried about my career which was, well, unsettled. This year, I moved to a big city and I feel more settled and stable both emotionally and career-wise. So, I decided to start dating! I have a profile on a dating site. I met a few people but things didn't quite develop. With a couple of these guys, I have become something of a "let's hang out together" friend, which is fine since I don't know many people in this city. However, I worry (ever since someone planted this thought in my head) that my inexperience at sex and relationships makes me undateable/unsuitable for most people and the longer I stay a sexual/romantic novice, the more unsuitable I become. That worries me Sometimes, I toy with the idea of going to a hookup site to just get over the "i haven't done this before" awkwardness. I feel uncomfortable about the idea of hooking up but I wonder if it is just because of my inexperience and admittedly traditional upbringing. What do you think? Should I just be patient with dating and see if I find a romantic/sexual connection or should I give this hookup thing a try to get over my sexual awkwardness? Thanks for reading my post and hope you have a great week!:icon_bigg
It's possible that your inexperience at sex and relationships might count against you for SOME people. But different people have different preferences. Having come out more than two years ago, I have quite a lot of dating experience under my belt now. But still very little sexual experience. I was in an eight month relationship, but we never did any more than oral. So that makes me a little self conscious, especially when anyone asks me if I'm a "top" or bottom." I have thought about using a hook up site or app to get experience, but that really isn't me. My philosophy is, if you really hit it off with someone and things are going great, then it shouldn't be a deal breaker for them how experienced you are. And if it is, then maybe they're not that great of a match after all. Having said that, probably don't lead with the information about being inexperienced. Save it for the second date at least, IMHO.
Hey kris. I can sympathize with the inexperience and awkwardness. It took me more than a few attempted relationships to get rid of my v-card. But I wasn't very proud of how it happened because it was a bit of a rush in order to get it over with, so my advice is don't do a hook up for that reason. Hook ups can also be a hazard because you never know how "clean" hook up type people are, especially on hook up sites. So wait until you click with someone, and as socialguitarguy said, if things go great with someone then your inexperience shouldn't be a problem for them. People who would have a problem with it aren't the kind of people you need to look for. Good luck and I hope I helped
Personally I would be flattered to be someone's first. It'd make it seem more honest whilst we were doing stuff and I also hate thinking about people I'm datings past sexual relationships as it makes me feel...I dunno, less special (incredibly self centred I know ) But yeh people also tend to realise that not everyone comes out when they are young and so it is unlikely they would've had experience. I'm sure your situation isn't unusual and personally, I'd find it desirable to be with someone in your situation. Hope you find some one you like soon ! Tom
Don't worry at all mate. When you date people in a non "hook up-oriented" mindset no one is going to ask you if you are a virgin. And given the right circumstances if chemistry hapens and it leads to sex no one is going to turn you down because of that ( "I was about to have sex with you but since you tld me you are a virgin I am going home instead..." sounds unlikely to me ). I would advice you to keep dating normally if you are not the hook-up type of person (nothing wrong with that though in my opinion). If the situation evolves to having sex the I would advice you to tell the other person before it happens.If you are want to bottom the other person would probably be more careful and go slower. If you are a top the other person can help you with the positioning etc. And if you both are inexperienced, well... explore together! To be honest I would also be flattered too and try my best to make the other person enjoy it, even if it is not going to be anything serious! It's an awesome way of getting somehting back f your first time was nothing special
I have the same feeling but I'm a virgin and has never dated. I've known I was gay since I was a kid so it feels really depressing growing up and not finding anyone. Now that I'm in college, I feel that I'm suppose to have at least dated someone but nobody wants me. I can't help but think there's something off wrong with me. Being told "you're different from other people" doesn't make me feel better. Anyway, single for life :dry:
I have the same exact story as you. Although, I met someone this year using *******. I used to think something was wrong with me as well. I came out after college so I never took the opportunity to be apart of gay clubs or meet other students going through what I was going through. I don't mind it though because when I felt I was ready, I decided to make it a New Year's Resolution to come out in my own way (I wrote an inspiring poem on Facebook & I don't write poetry). I went to my first Gay Pride in NYC (decided to make it fun by taking off my shirt). Made a vow to stop lying about my sexuality (wasn't truthful with this but tried to be most of the time). I made a conscience effort to find a boyfriend without clubbing (I preferred the lounges of tea/coffee shops). The important part is you have to be ready. You can't just say you are ready. You have to prove it to yourself by not being embarrassed if someone calls you gay or asks you about something related to being gay. You can't fully enjoy the company of another if you do not enjoy who you are in the company of others.
