I don't know what came over me, but I was pissed at work today in front of my crush. I stopped talking to her and then started making remarks asking a co-worker if they believed in love and that I don't believe its real. I then right in front of my crush told a co-worker that I would go and see his band while she was listening in. I mentioned that I would bring along a few of my friends who I actually trusted. I think I did this because she has asked me to hang out a few times and I have always said no. I was all over the place. I then confronted someone because they made fun of a customer which pissed me off. I did ask for a hug from a girl (co-worker) who I just met because I just needed a stupid hug-sort of gave the girl a hug while my crush was watching. I usually never accept hugs especially from others especially my crush because well yeah. I am just stuck. I was very upset and apparently this was my way of just being upset. I was texting a friend since I was having a bad day and she was trying to help me out by assuring me that its okay and that everything will be alright. I am trying to hold on until finals are done, but ughhh...It was weird how I took this approach. My friend calmed me down after awhile because I was upset and just didn't know why I was feeling or acting this way. I feel like crap now because I know that people were going to wonder why I was acting like that and really its just because I feel so damn hidden. She has a boyfriend so I cannot even show her how I feel. I cannot just express myself. My friend told me to tell her so that I will feel better, but I can't. My crush doesn't even know I like girls and well she again has a boyfriend. What the hell is wrong with me?????
I act weird when I'm upset as well, and I usually regret it afterwards. You're not alone. It's tough that she has a boyfriend, it kind of leaves you with no options unless you want to talk to her about her feelings (which is easier said than done). Perhaps you can try to take your mind off of her for the time being? Focus on school, and your friends. There will be lots of time during the summer to worry about your crush, or even to get over her if need be. Shake it off, and go in there with a smile on your face. You don't need to explain to anyone why you were acting differently. They don't really need to know, as it's none of their business.
Thank you for your response. I am really trying to just think of school. I have this week and then school is done. I am hoping I can study to keep my mind off of it. I think its just starting to hit me on how annoyed I feel about being hidden with some people-it sucks.
You should try coming out to her first. In the meantime, do something nice for her. Offer to hang out with her, even if you know this will be tough for you.
I shall take your advice wholeheartedly. I will ask she wants to hang out to get lunch sometime. Thank you.
