So im 19 and after finally calming down from a mass sex craze ive been meeting some new people after I left college for the summer back at home, I met up with a guy and we clicked really well and like a lot of the same things, and he's attractive in my opinion though if you asked me before I met him I would've said he was average ish. Anyway so we messed around and agreed to see each other again and told me I was good dating material, then I realized in didn't know how old he was and he said 29, he though I was 20/21. Idk I'm confused because I know I leave next fall (well, counting on it since that's in jeopardy) and wont be back till the end of the next summer on study abroad so I told myself no relationships just maybe a summer fling or two and make friends/ hookup. On top of that hes 10 years older than me. We've already hung out that night and then from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon and basically just been together the whole time so like 3 dates and he's payed (on his insistance) for a lot of stuff and I feel bad about that too I really want to keep him as a friend (after a cool down period because we cant keep ourselves off eachother) but I don't want to reject him because he's "too old" Idk im confused help
Hi, nice story. First off, he isn't 'too old', he's just older than you. If you're 19 and he's 29 that's not weird or anything like that, I know it may seem weird to you, but it's just because you aren't used to it. I hate to Bring Tom Daley into it, but think about the sort of icon he is and his boyfriend is 39! Just do what you are comfortable with, nothing else.
19 and 29 is a really big age gap for a healthy relationship. Just because Tom Daley's boyfriend is twice his age does not mean that relationship is healthy. If it is a short-term thing for fun, that's one thing. If you are thinking of it as a potential long-term relationship, then the chances of it working out in the long term are pretty dismal. There are too many life experience and stage-of-life issues, power imbalances, and other factors. This doesn't absolutely, positively mean it will fail, but the likelihood of success is very low because of the above factors.
I don't think age really matters. You are 19 and are capable of making your own decision on what ages you prefer. Tell him you are still in college and that you would like to remain friends and when you graduate then maybe you could carry on a relationship
That kind of age difference does become less and less important as time goes by. At your age, it's possible that it could end up being a make-or-break thing, but you really won't know until you try. I wouldn't necessarily go into this assuming it WILL be long-term, but if you are mature enough to see it as a friendship that might be more eventually, and let things develop (or NOT develop) naturally, it seems like it could be worth it. A 10-year age difference is significant when you're 19, but as time goes by, it becomes less and less so (I'm 52 and my boyfriend is 41, but we have so much in common that's NOT based on the calendar, that the age difference really doesn't come into play at all). If there truly is something real to your relationship, it will not evaporate, and if it DOES, at least you gave it a shot.
I'm not cynical about age gap relationships (I was involved in a relationship myself with a ten year gap) - they absolutely can and do work... BUT, they work only when the two people involved are at similar levels of maturity. I don't think I would have been ready for an age gap relationship at 19. Reading your posting, I think you have enough doubts of your own and you can't really enter into a relationship (at any age) with lingering doubts and hope to make it work, and it definitely would require work from both of you. If you were a few years older and your circumstances were different I'd say the gap is of no significance, but right now, it could be. Maybe best to keep this more casual - but it's up to you, of course.
Your thread title only says "19 and 29", so it seems the age difference is a significant concern. Just tell him you want to remain friends because you don't want to get into a long-term relationship.
Lover and I are almost 11 years apart.. I'm the oldest. That never was an issue we look the same age, and act the same too!
