A really frustrating situation with Parents

So I'm not really sure where to start. I met my best friend when I was 12 and she was 15. She was lifeguarding at a pool I went to, and we immediately hit it off. We were basically inseparable from that time until now. We always have had a flirty relationship, and would hold hands when we were together, cuddle when we were together, and say "i love you" before bed every night. A few years ago, we stopped talking to each other after a big fight, and we both went through a lot of hurt caused by not talking. Last year, we began talking again and decided to give things another chance. Over the two years we spent not talking, we both realized we had more than friends feelings for each other, and wanted to explore those feelings as well. We began dating last July, and have never been happier in our relationship. I go to school a few states away, so we only see each other a limited amount of weekends, but we try to make the best of it.

My parents have never been extremely accepting of my girlfriend. When we were just friends, they would try to limit the amount of contact we had, and wouldn't leave us alone. When my girlfriend slept over and my mom caught us cuddling on my bed, she pretty much had a heart attack. My parents were both extremely happy when we stopped talking, and I guess were relieved because the "hurt" caused by the relationship was over. When we started talking last year, I told my mom and she seemed okay with it, but when i wanted to invite my girlfriend over to see my dogs my mom wanted no parts of it. During the summer (2013), my mom brought up my girlfriend multiple times, and made it very clear I wasn't allowed to be talking to her. The biggest slap in the face occurred when my Uncle died, and I called my girlfriend for support, but ended up sobbing on the phone with her. My parents stormed into my room, and demanded that I never talk to her again. They said she was "trash", and asked if I had feelings for her. I was honest, and said I was in love with her and wanted to try things out. This sent my parents over the edge. They swore that it was because of her that I was gay, and that she was turning me lesbian. I attempted to explain that people are born like that, and are not simply "turned" by another person.

Throughout the summer, I had to sneak out and say I was with other friends in order to see my girlfriend, and my parents were extremely suspicious and began demanding I sent pictures with my friends to prove I was with them. I was able to provide pictures, and this seemed to settle it for them. They would demand to see my texts with my friends before I left, and would track my phone while I was out. I had gone from a 20 year old college student with extreme freedom, to a 4 year old that needed permission from my parents to do anything, with a ton of suspicion and grief. The whole situation caused a big divide with my parents, and I felt like everything I did was like walking on needles with them.

Fast forward to this past winter break, when my girlfriend invited me to her family's Christmas Eve party. I told my parents I was going to the party, but said it was a different friend's. My mom texted me during the party for pictures, and of course I had no pictures as proof in this case. I ended up telling my mom the truth about where I was, and she started cursing me out on the phone. My parents showed up to the party, drove me home, refused to let me drive, and locked me in my room. I then got a very stern lecture, and was given the choice between keeping my family or being with my girlfriend. Again my parents asked if I had feelings for her, and I said I did. They said I was not able to be with her and be "part of the family" and I had to choose.

Originally, I chose my girlfriend, but realized I did not have enough money saved or a place to live if I lost my family, so I stayed. My parents took away my phone and computer, and treated me like a little child basically. When I was able to contact my girlfriend, we still wanted to be together and be with each other. Since then, we have managed to sneak around, and only see each other when she visits me at school, because my parents are not close. They have given me the same ultimatum, if I want to be with her, then I am giving up my family, and am not supposed to have any contact with them or see them again.

I really love my girlfriend, and plan on one day proposing to her and spending my life with her. I have come out to my close friends, and she has come out to her family who are very accepting. Since summer is drawing closer, I am dreading the three months that I will not be able to see her because of my parents. I was wondering if anyone has any ideas or advice about how to possibly get my parents to be more accepting, without rocking the boat too much, since I don't want to end up in another all out war with them. I don't know if it is because of this girl specifically, or my being lesbian/bisexual, or both, but I expect it is a combination of the two. It really sucks finding the love of your life and your soulmate, but not being able to share it with the people who supposedly "love you most", your parents. Any ideas would be extremely welcome of how to cope or deal with this!

 

I agree they are insane and way too severe. They are paying for college, so I guess I just have to do what I can to get through the next two years of school. I wish they did love me unconditionally, and I do have a couple close friends that I lean on. My girlfriend has also been super understanding and forgiving, which is really nice and helpful. I don't actually know where their homophobia comes from. They are older and more traditional, but my religion is very accepting of all kinds of people. I think their biggest problem is me not following their exact plan for my life, which it don't think they accept it. I've reached out to my girlfriend's mom, but I am scared to really tell anyone that my parents know, because I don't want anything going back to them.

 

Thanks! I'm trying to do anything I can and save any extra money. I can't live with my girlfriend right now because I go to school three states away from her, but we have discussed maybe moving in together and splitting rent since she has a steady income. I agree my parents are crazy and it is a really bad situation. Thanks for your help!