This has been the most stressful month. Family drama has risen, I'm questioning again, and I want to get back with my ex! The main issue I want to rant about right now is my ex. He's the first person I ever truly loved. I mean, I would've taken a bullet for him. Anyway, I want to get back together with him. Here's the thing though: we've already gotten back together. We've broken up twice. The second break-up he took harder than the first. That's why I'm so unsure if I should even mention I still have feelings. Is it because he was my first love that I'm having trouble letting go of him? He said both times that my reasons for the breakup were pointless. I'll honestly agree. I just get scared that things are going bad for us and that he wants to break-up, so I beat him to the punch (even though this is all in my head). We just started really talking again this week and it made me realize even more how much I miss him. We've functioned without each other this break up, so should I drop it? I want to tell my friends how I feel. I really want to tell HIM how I feel. I just don't want to be rejected by him. If I told my friends or parents they'd probably think, "Ughhhhhhh, here we go AGAIN." I don't want to be judged because. I feel like we have unfinished business. I would text him, but a couple of weeks ago I had a "Wonder Woman" moment and deleted his number. Please help! What should I do?!
I don't think that relationship is worth it. Too much drama. Love should be about feeling secure with someone whom you develop a mutual respect, not a war zone. Leave that to the people in soaps and movies. And you could also benefit from some soul-searching: Why were you so sure that he was going to dump you, or that things were going bad at all? If you had those feelings, why didn't you talk to him about them, instead of walking away with some dumb reason?
I do feel safe with him and we do respect each other. We've had great relationships both times. It has never been rocky. We both hate drama, so it has been fairly quiet. I wasn't sure that he was going to dump me. That's why I said it was all in my head. I was so in love with him that I was just scared of losing him, so I wanted to be the one to end things. I don't know if I could take heart break.
I don't think you trust him enough. That, or you don't trust yourself... you gotta ask why, before jumping into his arms once again. Keep in mind that going on and off is most likely not good for the relationship, since both of you are getting hurt with each breakup. There's a saying where I come from: "Tanto va el cántaro al agua que al fin se rompe" (So many times do the vase go to the water, before finally breaking). Bottom line: take things very slowly. Talk to him about the doubts that made you hit the eject button, and ask him if you could eventually get back together...but taking things slowly. That, or taking advantage of this alone time to know yourself better.
