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Gay men and lesbians "accidentally" finding each other to date?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by piano71, May 14, 2014.

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  1. piano71

    piano71
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    I heard an interesting story from a friend recently.

    He is gay, but earlier in life (during a denial stage) he dated a woman for a couple of months. But the relationship went nowhere and there was a lack of intimacy, so he broke up with her.

    Fast forward about eight years. During that time, my friend came out as a gay man and started socializing in gay settings. One day, while attending a mostly-gay church, he saw his ex-girlfriend there - with a female partner.

    Another friend said that sometimes there's this odd thing that sometimes happens, that gay men and lesbians who aren't yet out seem to find each other when in denial and dating the opposite sex. I don't mean deliberately taking on a 'beard,' but rather finding each other on a subconscious level.

    Anyone else here heard of this happening?
     
    #1 piano71, May 14, 2014
  2. ouji

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    Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about. When I was in school there was a guy, B, who dated a girl, N. They first started dating in middle school, and then later got back together in high school. Well fast forward a few years, and he has come out as gay, and she has come out as a lesbian and is now currently dating a girl. At lunch we all sat together, and didn't know the others were gay or lesbian. I later noticed that all the people at that table ended up either, gay, lesbian or bi except for one girl. I do think that subconsciously LGBT people attract each other. I think that's the same for all people though. You attract people like yourself. Before I had come out, I also had a lesbian girl hit on me at work, and I remember just smiling shyly and not doing anything about it. It didn't even occur to me that I could be gay. I was in denial. I think she subconsciously knew whether by my body language, or eye contact, or whatever it may be etc.
     
    #2 ouji, May 14, 2014
  3. bingostring

    bingostring
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    Yes… my male friend in Holland married a woman when both were in denial.
    3 kids later … the marriage broke up and they both came out as gay!
     
    #3 bingostring, May 14, 2014
  4. sldanlm

    sldanlm
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    I pretended to date a gay guy briefly in HS, only because it was convenient for both of us in that environment. We became good platonic friends, and I sometimes wonder what happened to him after HS. He moved somewhere, but his parents wouldn't tell me where.
     
    #4 sldanlm, May 14, 2014
  5. resu

    resu
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    My biggest crush in high school was the older brother of a friend. He was so handsome, yet his girlfriend was also beautiful and really friendly. I knew them both because they were in the orchestra with me, but she was just so funny and nice, I honestly admired their relationship. There is a picture of them doing some homework in the yearbook, and the caption quotes her saying something like she's glad he's around because he makes her focus.

    It was truly shocking to learn years later that my crush's girlfriend came out as a lesbian. That said, my crush seems to have had multiple girlfriends and is now in a LTR, so I'm pretty certain he's straight (though, I sincerely wished he was gay when we knew each other in high school).

    The only other example I know of is a guy who had only dated one girl, and he later came out in college. I'm not sure what about the girl because she moved far away in college and her facebook page is doesn't have much visible to non-friends (I remember earlier her possibly associating with a gay church ministry).
     
    #5 resu, May 14, 2014
  6. fortheloveoflez

    fortheloveoflez
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    Yes. This absolutely happened to me at Prom. I asked this one guy out to be my date..little did I know I must have picked up the ques subconsciously because even though I wasn't out to myself at the time...I think deep down I wanted to go with a guy who I could imagine wouldn't take things on another level...

    so yay! Lez + gay = love story (but not really, more like friendship story) haha
     
    #6 fortheloveoflez, May 14, 2014
    Last edited: May 14, 2014
  7. ChloeKiss

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    Reading this and the comments are shocking to me! I thought it was just something strange that happened to me. Here's my story:

    I met a guy when I was 13 who lived 8 hours away.. we kept in touch and one day he asked me to be his girlfriend.. I went to a formal with him last year. I was told by him a few times that he thought he was bisexual.. and that he is almost certain he is. I told him I was bi too.. But this was all after we got together.. I honestly think deep down he is gay.. I told him I was a Lesbian when I broke up with him and he understood.. He never said anything about being gay but I think he might tell me one day soon. I've caught him checking a guy out while we were dating.. and he caught me checking a girl out. I believe we were using eachother as beards.. I don't regret it.. but it makes me cringe sometimes :frowning2:

    We are both still friends to this day.. I just thought it was a coincidence that we found eachother and thought it was a very rare thing.. Looks like it's happened to others too though.
     
    #7 ChloeKiss, May 15, 2014
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