Hi First off, I have to say, the situation I've got myself into makes me both feel awful but also great at the same time. Which are the reason I am here, wanting to hear some others opinion on this case. You see, I've got this friend, which has been my best friend ever since we both started at elementary school together. Our friendship had it's ups and downs, periodes of time were we weren't as good as friends, but we always found our way back to our (best) friendship. Now, we are both grown-up teenagers, and it's been almost fourteen years since we clicked with one another back in first grade. My friendship with this guy has always been pretty intense, and I do think the attraction and tension between us were the reason that our friendship become so stained over the last few months. We were always hanging out together, and I think we both become known as the unseperateable couple by all of our friends. And I have to admit our friendship is and were awesome, but still I always knew something were missing. For even how close we were there was a distance. Because I was always the one initiating to do things, and I always had to "push" him closer to me. I think the problem is, that we are both guys, and we have several times got ourself into situations that have question our sexuality and feelings for one another. The point is, that I think I wanted more from him, something we both knew I wouldn't get. So, half a year ago I've got a new friend, which I am very close to (at the moment). And I have several times questioned myself why I got myself so close to this new friend? And I think the answere is; that this new friend makes me feel appriciated, he gives me all the attention, and show me all the interest that my old best friend never had the guts to give me. Just in a half year, this new boy comes into my life, becoming my new best friend, and I have never felt so alive, and I have this feeling that this is what a "real" best friend is like. But at the same time I feel sorry for my old best friend, because he still tries to get in touch with me, but I feel that I treath him like a real jackass. I become such a jerk around my old best friend, and I really don't know why! It's like I try to show him that I am doing just fine without him, because I've got someone new to take his place. And the scariest part is that I do believe it is true. I do feel fine without him, and the new best friend have all the qualities I have ever wished and dreamed for in a best friend. But the thing that's bugs me is that I feel this new friend stole me away from my old best friend. For me it is totally fine, but I can't help to wonder what all this does to my old best friend..... How does he feel know? I mean, I would have felt insane and broken if it was me who got blocked out by my best friend. I do not have a complete answere on what happened, but I guess I got tired of my old best friend always being so selfsentred. Always carving for me to be the one holding our friendship together. Afraid of showing that he cared, and always afraid of getting "too" close to me. So my question is, should I feel bad. Is it wrong of me to feel this way, and do as I do? This really bugs me because I feel so sorry for my old friend, but still I am happlier than ever because of my new best friend. Am I a bad person for this? Thanks for taking your time, and your opinionen and comments on this are all really appriciated
No, you're not a bad person, and you can still be friends with your old best friend. You should try to avoid treating him badly, though. Sometimes people don't realize what they have until it's missing.
Sometimes, when something (or someone) new comes into our lives it feels fresh and exciting and we pay it/them lots of attention to the exclusion of almost everything else. It's like getting a new computer, but still having the old one around - you end up using the new computer all of the time, while the old one is neglected, but still there. If you think about it, your new friendship is a bit like that; you have all the excitement and attention that your new friend is giving you and it seems to make up for what you found lacking with your old friend... who is still hanging around. It's still early days and I'm guessing you're really enjoying how it feels right now, but that new and special feeling may fade over time and you could end up back at square one, by which time your old friend will have taken the hint and be gone from your life, with all of that history and shared memories from elementary school until the present day. It's not unusual to have a best friend - someone we really click with and enjoy spending lots of time with, but we shouldn't push everyone else away for that one person. It's far better to have a circle of close friends in your life. There is an old saying about treating others as you'd like to be treated yourself, so if you are feeling bad, it's probably because you know you are treating him worse than you'd like for yourself. So, do you think it is wrong? He might not have been the best and most attentive friend, but are you sure you want to cut him out completely after all you've been through together? Personally, I wouldn't do that. Try to make a little time for him too.
It's ok to find someone new who you really get along with. However, your old friend probably IS feeling a bit sad about being cut out. There's no reason why you can't be friends with both of them Put some time aside to see your old friend. Hey, you could even all three of you do something together sometime if you think that they would get along well.
