told the fiance that i believe im gay

It would be more helpful to know how she responded. What are some of the things she said about your revelation? If we know more, we might be able to address some of her concerns individually.

I'm sorry it was such a painful experience for you though. Obviously that was difficult for both of you; you had to break her heart, and she had her heart broken. Hopefully she understands that this isn't something you chose. Being gay is just who you are, and you're finally becoming aware of that and accepting it as part of yourself, and part of that process unfortunately involved ending a relationship that couldn't have worked for you.

Stay strong. As far as coming out goes, I'm pretty such you've just told the person that it's usually the hardest to tell. It'll be much easier from here. And welcome to the forums!

 

(*hug*) You did the right thing and I know you needed a lot of courage to do it and that it hurt. It probably will for some time. Hopefully, you lost the fiancee, but gained the best friend.

 

Hello photogSIL . Welcome to Empty Closets! I am glad that you have joined and I hope that your experience on Empty Closets will be the best you could ever imagine!

I first of all want to say that you are probably one of the most honest guys that someone could have. Many people in your situation, at least in this day and age, have dealt with your situation by cheating on their partner, rather than being honest with them about what their true feelings are.

Even though her heart is broken, I am sure she is really grateful that you told her, rather than hide it from her and hurt her emotionally even more.

Sexuality is something that is not concrete. People can discover they are gay, transgender, lesbian, etc. at any age. There is no specific age someone realizes their sexuality.

You definitely did the right thing, although you may be really upset that you had to break her heart. It was for the best, and, you definitely made the right decision.

 

She will need a lot of time. Those four stages of grief are real. She lost the future she dreamed to have with you and will need time to heal and to realize that there is still something nice waiting for her.

 

Oh, I see. So there wasn't much actual discussion. I'm sure she's just in shock. She probably had an idea of where your relationship was going to go, but when you came out to her, it completely upended those ideas. It's different from coming out to a friend or relative, actually much harder, because you're telling someone who has probably included you in many of their life plans, and those plans will have to change as a result. You did a very, very brave thing.

She may or may not want to talk about this at some point, but it sounds like she's still processing. Try not to take it personally. She's hurting right now, but she'll realize you didn't mean or want to hurt her, and that you can't help being who you are. And she'll come to see how difficult it must have been for you too and respect you for telling her sooner rather than later I'm sure.

Although it was hard and painful, you should be very proud of yourself.

 

Maybe let her know that it is hard for you too. That you wanted the future with her too. And make sure she knows that sex with her was not a chore for you or a disgusting thing (assuming it wasn't).

 

In that case, I wouldn't even bring up the sex. Let her make her own assumptions about that, but I wouldn't bring it up and have to say, "Oh yeah, and the sex? It wasn't good for me, I could barely even get through it..."

Definitely talk to her though. As hard as it is for her and as much as she's hurting, tell her you're kind of in the same boat. Maybe you can both share your perspectives with each other and give each other support, although for her it may be a bit soon for that. She may need to work through it on her own first, but it couldn't hurt to at least let her know that you want to talk to her about it whenever she's able. But also be ready to just give her space if that's what she wants or needs too.

 

I'm so glad you were courageous and honest early. I only wish your story had been my story 24 years ago.

You did a very compassionate thing to be open about your developing understanding of your sexuality. This has taken me so very long. I am out to myself and a counselor but not my wife who I love and care much for. This is going to hurt or so deep. I am terrified by that reality. So, continue to be caring as you seem to be, but you have done the right and honorable thing/