Hey guys this is officially my first post on here!! I made this account awhile back but i've just been so busy(sports, school, work) that I find I have no time ever, however I plan to get more active now that summers here , but right now I really would appreciate some advice bare with me though I'm typing this from my phone and im kind of in rush because I have a project due in t minus 2hours that I havent even started so here I go. I have been in love with this girl....for as long as I can remember(probably around 7th grade i'm junior now) we grew up together pre k to High school(we had our first kiss in 5th grade awww cute cute I know). Now time out yes I know I'm young yes I know I'm only 17 but when I tell you I love this girl like I LOVE this girl I love how she looks smells eats sleeps laughs smiles lol everything about her is beautiful except....the way she treats me when we are around other people. When we are by ourselves she is herself the funny goofy down to earth person I fell in love with but with people she treats me like i'm the gum stuck under her shoe and to be honest it breaks my heart little by little each day. It wasn't always like this we were once inseparable but then the rumors and whispers came "are they together" "they almost kissed yesterday"(which was true haha) blah blah blah. Now this had no effect on me but she thought it was the end of the world...and thus is when I became the plague in which she tried to avoid at all cost like literally I walk in her direction she walks the other way crap like that, I can tell it hurts her by the look in her eyes(I know her that well) but it doesn't hurt her enough to stop. It's hard for me to go into detail because its a long story but lets put it like this she acts like regina George off of mean girls around people lol . I was able to put up with this for 4 years!! But I cant any longer. I have been completely understanding for so long because I know what its like to be afraid, afraid of being judged, and ridiculed that's the main reason I have yet to come out to my parents (another story for another day) but this is TOO MUCH. Seeing all of these couples (gay and straight) together further frustrates me because that could be us. If your wondering we are not together and we never have been(even though we should be), we've dated other people throughout high school but none of the relationships were ever serious they were more of a distraction not lasting longer then 3 months and even in these relationships we would mess around(nothing too extreme just cuddle etc) nevertheless I feel horrible about it... I want to be able to give someone my all, but instead im waiting for someone who I know without a doubt loves me back, but is not willing to just come out and be with me but even simpler treat me in a civil manner when around others. We have had numerous arguments about her attitude towards me and it always ends in" I love you but....bs answer" orr my favorite "I just want to be normal" our last argument was probaly the worst we've ever had im talking stuff being thrown (at me), crying, screaming all of the dramatics I ended it by telling her I was done with her bs and some other emotional stuff I cant remember(or don't want to remember), its been 2 weeks and every day I have gotten multiple calls/texts from her saying I still love you im sorry I miss you etc. and its really killing me not to answer but I have to be strong and finally think about me for once plus she still ignores me around people crazy huh? But even despite I still love the REAL her that part of her has my heart.. Soo I guess my question is how do I let go?? I love this girl so so soo much and I just really dont know what to do I cant get her out of my system. :/ AGAIN SO SORRY IF THIS IS ALL OVER THE PLACEI TYPED THIS ON MY PHONE AND IM KINDA IN A RUSH !
