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Where my high school 'friendships' healthy?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by JosephG, May 19, 2014.

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  1. JosephG

    JosephG
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    I'm going back home in a few days after my freshman year of college. Over break I came out to my family and most of my good friends (!) .. I come from a pretty conservative area and only a few students from my highschool class of 400 are openly LGBT.

    My best 'strait' bros and I connected in a very exclusive and intimate way. We were pretty awkward and tense dudes but we could totally relax around each other. There was also some competitive tension amongst our group as to who was hanging out with who. I can't help but to think that my friends in high school were also closeted gay guys.

    Coming out to these bros was fine, in fact it didn't really change anything. One of my friends admitted to also being gay, and he said he's only told 1 other person.

    I'm in a group chat with my friends and they keep talking about hanging out this summer ALL the time. Looking back at it, it seemed as if we were all pretty miserable people unless we were with each other, and we really were skeptical to branch out to new people. Is it narcissistic to question my close relationships that I've had with my friends now that I'm out, or is it unhealthy to have intimate friendships that could never progress to relationships?

    Is it wrong to assume my friends are closeted gay guys?

    Coming out has been an incredibly positive experience and has made my aspirations in life feel much less foggy, however my friend situation is stumping me.. I feel like my friends would feel betrayed if I distanced myself from them a bit, yet I'm not sure if what we had was genuine friendship or a mutual compromise for searching for love.

    :help:
     
    #1 JosephG, May 19, 2014
  2. resu

    resu
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    I don't think questioning other people's sexualities is bad, but I definitely would say intimate, platonic friendships are totally healthy. However, you really shouldn't obsess over this, especially since you're out to them.

    I recently came out to my best friend from elementary/middle school a few days ago, and it has really been great messaging him. One thing I did ask was whether other people suspected me, and he said the subject never came up. He then said this: "I've always just tried to think of myself as me. Without labels. I mean, without sexual labels at any rate. That's how I (and I assume many of our friends) have always viewed you: without labels."

    It's okay to tell your friends you don't want to hang out all the time. In general, many people "change" in college by actually becoming more comfortable with themselves, and so they feel less clingy or pressured to do the same things. IMO, that is just part of the process of becoming independent adults.

    However, it seems like you might have a crush on one of them, and maybe you should consider telling your feelings. I think your bigger concern is that you fear having friendships with other gay guys. It reminds me of the debates about whether [straight] girls and guys can be friends. I'm of the opinion that yes, they can be friends as long as they treat each other with respect.
     
    #2 resu, May 20, 2014
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