Hi! I'd like to put the deal out there plain and simple. I'm gay, and I've been in love with my guy best friend for a long time. Its caused me a lot of pain, and misery since he doesn't reciprocate those feelings. After a lot of trial, and error (you can read all about my background and experiences in this link in the previous thread I started: I posted a background on my story in the thread http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/131558-gay-best-friend-love.html ), I finally gathered the courage to tell him. He was so damn supportive and understanding - just said that I was still his best friend and that I need to get over him. And also that we're just going to pretend like I didn't say anything. The thing is this is what is killing me even more. I love him too much. Online, everywhere, getting over love is supposed to happen only if you cut off contact with somebody. But this guy isn't some random dude I fell in love with, he's my best friend. More importantly, I am his too. And I can't selfishly cut off contact with him when he expects me to be there for him. I can't put him through pain, again because I'm in love with him. Frankly, I'd just like to get over him and salvage our friendship. Without cutting off contact. How's that possible? HELP NEEDED!!!!! Thanks <3
Why are your needs less important than his? I understand that he's got his own problems, and appreciates the support and help you give him. But you're going through your own hell. And now that he's aware of it, it's not right for him to just sweep it under the rug with a "let's pretend this never happened". You've got to deal with it, and the best way to deal with it is to increase the distance between you for awhile. And honestly, I think you need to do just that. Lex
It's hard and it's gonna hurt... But really, you NEED to get some distance from him or you'll just keep getting hurt. Don't cut him out entirely, just only do stuff with him if he initiates it, and if he wants to spend too much time with you, then you need to politely refuse.
@Lexington, when you put it that way, I sorta see what you mean. Having been in love with him for so long, I've always made myself second priority, and frankly I don't regret that regardless of how pathetic this sounds. Its just that he made/makes my world complete. You can't think of another solution apart from increasing the distance? What do you advice me to do when he calls or texts or whatever? @Whiteshadows, its already hurting me so much, and has hurt for nearly six months before this. Do you think that without cutting him out entirely, I'll still manage to get over him? Any other help please guys.
Unequal friendships are unhealthy. You should not base your happiness on someone else's approval, especially if they are not reciprocating your affection. Be honest with him and say you need some space because it's not as easy as he thinks to "get over him." Tell him you can't hang out as often as before, and he should respect that.
@resu, thanks. I understand what you mean. Totally. So how do you think I should go about this? We're going to be in different cities for a month, and aren't going to see each other for a while. I mean, right now, I constantly text him, call him, check out his photos, etc. If I force myself to stop doing that, he will still contact me - call, text, etc. How do I deal with that? :help: :tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears:
(*hug*) I'm so sorry you're going through this pain. The best you can do is keep as much distance as you can for the time being, and when you HAVE to do stuff with him, use all your will power to keep your mind distracted from your feelings for him.
Try to wean yourself off by: not looking at his photos or other things. In the extreme case, you might block him so you don't see his updates. never reply to calls or texts immediately, and you should try to either have a few contacts weekly or quit completely If he keeps trying to contact you, you must tell him why you're doing this.
Was in a similar if not exact same situation as you... with the exception that i refused to put any distance. I never once cut him out of my life, and eventually, i am glad to say that i just grew out of it- 5 patient rejections later (on his behalf) and one full year later. All this achieved without once diminishing our closeness, so yes, it is possible to do this. you just have to meet more gay guys.
@WhiteShadows, thanks for that advice (and that hug, haha). Well, he constantly needs me and texts/calls me. The biggest problem is that my love for him doesn't allow me to put him through that pain. I'd rather just bear it myself for the time being. @resu, alright, thanks a ton resu! I'm making a conscious effort now to not look at his photographs and all that, and that somewhere helps too I guess. But regarding contact, I can't limit it beyond 1 round of texting and 1 phone call everyday. It just gets too bad otherwise. @Mystory. Oh, wow. But the fact that you managed to fall out of love WHILE HAVING CONTACT is something I've never heard of before. Can I request to please elaborate on how you managed this? Thanks a ton!
Bump, anyone? Any advice/tips/suggestions/observations/opinions from anybody would be really appreciated! :tears::tears::tears: :tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears::tears:
Just hang in there I think, even with regular contact, it IS possible to get over him. You need to be strong, use a lot of will power, and see if you can get yourself distracted by some other cute guy in the meanwhile.
