Sorry guys! We have another one of those situations… Basically there is this guy at work whom I think is attractive and think might be interested too. This all started a year ago when he first started the job. I would always catch him stealing glances at me and looking away shyly. At first I never looked into it because at the time I had a boyfriend. He never struck me as ‘gay’ but when this started to happen constantly, I soon had my doubts. Months go by and I slowly start to get to know him through our little interactions around the office. He’s quite young (he’s 21 and I am 25), he’s an avid soccer player and fan and he’s a genuinely nice guy. We are in different departments so we don’t work alongside each other. One day I bumped into him at the mall around Christmas time when I was with some colleagues. He was with a girl whom we assumed was his girlfriend. After we parted ways, my colleague who knows him better than me confirmed she was. Later in the week, I bumped into him in the elevator and asked him what he was doing that day at the mall and if he was doing some Christmas shopping. He said he was shopping with a “friend”. A couple of months pass, on Valentine’s Day, at work drinks, he asked me what I was up to later that night. I told him I was going to spend some time with my partner. He then told me he broke up with his girlfriend after 5 years. A few weeks go by and we have a work function. The whole day we would lock eyes with each other even when on opposite sides of the room. I never got a chance to speak to him because we’re basically acquaintances at work and we hang out with different people. A week later, I bump into him on the subway and we make small talk and eventually we get onto the topic of last week’s work function. He said “I never got to talk to you – the whole day”. It almost seemed like he was concerned about it. He also asked me how my recent trip to Europe was. I told him how much I enjoyed it and it took him a while to ask who I went with, almost as if he was hesitant to ask, like he did not want to know. I told him I went with my partner and he then opened up to me about his girlfriend which he had to emphasize was his ex-girlfriend. Another couple of months go by all while the staring and stealing glances continued. I told a really close female colleague about him. At first she was skeptical about him because she had heard stories of him being a bit of a player and even sleeping with one of the girls in the office a while ago. She sits next to me and he has to walk past our cubicle to get to the bathroom. She has caught him countless times looking over at me on his way over. Also, at after work drinks, my friend and I were chatting and he sat down at the bar directly in front of it. I made her watch him to prove my point and lo and behold, he kept looking over at me constantly while he was chatting with a colleague. Recently I broke up with my boyfriend over problems we were having. At this point I also had overwhelming feelings for this guy at work. A month after the break up, I decided I wanted to do something about this guy because I couldn’t stand the constant mind games anymore. I worked up the courage to ask him out for lunch. He declined because he said he was busy which he genuinely was because it was a Friday and he was working away past 6pm when everyone was at the bar having drinks. And he hardly leaves his desk at work anyway. That weekend I started to doubt and question everything that had happened and I decided I just wanted to drop it because it was starting to take its toll on me. Whenever there was an interaction at work I was on a high for the rest of the day and when nothing happened, I felt depressed. The next week, I decided I was just going to avoid and ignore him at work. On the Monday, I completely snubbed him when he tried to say hi to me. Meanwhile the staring continued but my body language screamed “back off”. He also sent an email directed to all staff members with a link to a video featuring bikini-clad girls and stated in the email “this is the most viewed video with most of the views probably from myself” – and he never sends an all staff email. By Wednesday I decided I was just going to get over this and pretend like nothing happened. After work that day, I bumped into him in the subway station. He went out of his way to stop me in my tracks. I rolled my eyes at him and continued walking. I then stopped and went back and said “Hi, I’m really sorry I reacted like that”. He said it was fine as if he almost knew why I reacted like that. We then had a conversation the entire trip home. He was really nervous and awkward around me as was I. There were a lot of silences but it didn’t feel awkward, if anything, it felt so right – it almost seemed like he was just happy to be there in my company. He asked me about my partner and I told him I was not with him anymore and he tried to hide a smile after that but failed miserably. A few days pass and nothing much has happened since then apart from the occasional “hello” around the office and the staring which still happens to this day. I’m now in a situation where I don’t know what to do anymore. I obviously really like him and all signs indicate he does too. My gut tells me he’s bi or at least bi curious and is just a very confused person. We are both quite shy people which makes it hard for me to talk to him. What do you guys think? Am I wasting my time with him or should I give it a shot and get to know him more? Sorry for the long post – I just needed to vent.
From your story it REALLY sounds like he likes you. And possibly not just a fleeting crush, since he's been staring at you and looking for your contact for months now. At 21 he's probably still questioning his sexuality and bargaining with the eventuality of being gay (or bi or whatever). If I were you, I'll try to go the extra mile. Invite him for a drink, whenever he has time, just have small talk and see how it goes. At the end of it, ask him if he wants to meet again for another drink. If he says yes, start to talk some more about yourself, say that after the break-up you feel ready for a new relationship. See how he reacts and, why not, tell him you find him really attractive. You have nothing to lose and it can't hurt him. His consequent reaction will guide you on what to do next. Very curious about this is going to develop
Sounds like a solid plan! I think one of the big giveaways was when he tried hiding a smile when he found out you were single. Don't rush things, as he may be bi or curious etc., so he may be nervous about being with a guy, and probably doesn't want the office to know.
Though I do agree with how to approach him and that he is most likely into you, I don't necessarily agree with him being uncertain regarding his sexuality. When you ask him out for drinks and when you are haning out, don't worry wether he is in doubt or not. Act as you normally would around a guy you are not certain wants you or not. Unnecessesary worries will not benefit you at this point. I'm bi (as my info says) and I've been in a straight relationship for five years (as he had) and I've known who I am since I was fourteen. He could be the same! Go out, have fun and don't think to much. Good luck! PS: Keep us updated! DS
I think he feels comfortable with you because you're gay. That said, if he's only now just questioning his sexuality, he needs a friend more than a boyfriend, but maybe he will change. I agree that you should do something small first, and it needs to be somewhere away from work so there's less pressure on both of you. Don't wait for random meetings outside work; that may only happen weeks or months from now. But, you could figure out when he gets on the subway. Look at it this way. This guy is still more of an acquaintance than a friend, so there is little risk in trying to approach him. As much as it is exciting, eye contact can only go so far in conveying interest and expressions. The longer you wait, the more likely he will try to move on. Your first attempt at asking him out doesn't really count since he didn't know you were single (in addition to his busyness). Drinks or going out for lunch/coffee seem to be the easiest choices, and they will allow you two to talk. You could also consider inviting him to a concert or movie, but that will make it harder to talk (unless you also go out to eat/drink). Also, you might try to find something he likes to do. Since he's a soccer player, maybe offer to go to a soccer game.
please please please give it a shot, i'll keep it simple but you'll hate yourself if you don't, go for it, it's sooo much better knowing than having games playing all the time in your head
Hey guys, I'm back. I really wish I had good news to tell you about this story but unfortunately I don't. It's been a few months now and I'm well and truly confused about the whole situation and to be honest, really frustrated. Basically there have been times where I was so sure that something was going on between us which gave me the confidence to be a little more aggressive and show that I was interested only to find that when this happened, he'd back away leaving me in a state of utter confusion. I then tried to ignore the situation, pretend like he wasn't there, and noticed that whenever I did this, he'd come back to try and grab my attention and start sending mixed signals again: from the way that he greets me and brushes my arm with his hand, the constant glances he throws at me from the other side of the room, the long lingering stares, the way he constantly shifts his gaze onto me when in conversations with others, the way he follows me to places just so he'll "bump" into me, the way he randomly comes up behind me at my desk and pats me on the back with a smile, the way he blushes when I give him a compliment, all of which continues to this day. There was a period of time when I tried really hard to get over it and it got to the point of indifference, but he persists in this quest to mindf*ck the crap out of me. It's gotten to the point where I don't care that it's happening anymore and would rather ignore it but it's hard when you have to see him everyday. I'm not delusional. I'm a smart, rational person and quite intuitive when it comes to this stuff and, heck, I'm not the only one that sees it. This is different to a gay guy chasing a straight guy just because he's hot - I would never do that. I would not have become invested in this had he not shown such signs. Sure, he's a very friendly guy but I can't help but think this is not normal behaviour for a supposed straight guy especially when he was doing this even before he found out I was gay. Call it what you will. He's just an awkward guy just being really friendly, but to me there's more to it than that. It's trying to deal with this frustrating situation that is getting to me. I'm quite happy to be friendly and professional with him at work but I can only keep him at arm's length. I really don't care anymore. If he really liked me, something would have happened by now. I'm now looking for a new job, not because of him, but because I want a change and I am ok with that fact that we'll never be friends outside of work. A piece of advice for other guys going through something similar: GET OUT NOW! It'll never work. Never trust a guy sending mixed signals to you. Until he's accepted himself first you can forget it.
I may be wrong but it seems to me that he is scared and not sure of him self. I think he has feelings for you ,he feels comfortable when you are not agresive and act like you are not intrested in him but when you start showing you are intrested it might make him second guess and say am I really ready to do this . But this is just my opion I hope you find happyness in your life !! have a great day if you ever want to vent I would be glad to listen anytime you need just pm me
