1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

At the end of my rope

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Virthu, May 21, 2014.

  1. Virthu

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    So, yea, this is one of those, I like him but I don't know what he thinks threads so turn back now if you're tired of that sort of thing.

    :help: So, yea, I'm a senior in high school and I'm about to graduate really soon. Which is great. But my best friend has been dropping hints like Jason Durelo drops the bass and been acting really weird around me. I met him last year but we didn't really get close until over this past summer. A mutual friend told me he was gay, but I didn't really care because that friend has been proven to be untrustworthy, as well my friend swore by his life that he was straight and even goes so far to condemn homosexuality. So whatever. I'm open minded and don't mind having a fiend that's homophobic-ish. Ok. Yea. So as this year rolled on, we struck up a really great friendship. You know, there's those people you just get along with like, ridiculously well. And he very quickly filled up my best friend slot and informed me that I was his as well. Ok. Great. You know "when you've got good friends, you've got a good life..." Or whatever Lauren Bacall sang in Applause. So great. I'm not actually super sure about my orientation, so I started seeing this girl (seeing in the most pure sense of the word like, I liked her and she liked me) and he started seeing this other girl. This is about halfway through first quarter. Now here is where the plot thickens.
    He started acting really weird around that time. I had just stopped seeing my girl and was "single" again. And he started acting really, flirty toward me. He stopped mentioning his girl and started going to pretty extreme lengths to make me think that they weren't together. Lying and hiding that they were hanging out ever and ignoring her whenever I was around and telling me that they aren't together. I know it's only around me because all my other friends would always talk about how she would hang on him and stuff whenever they were together and how much it seemed they liked each other. But I never saw it and he went to pretty legit lengths not to ever let me see or hear. So, whatever, maybe my friend doesen't want me involved in his relationship.
    Fine. But then he started acting weirder. I started just catching him staring at me... All the dang time. I mean, I didn't think anything of it until my friends started noticing and mentioning to me in curiously concerned voices that they noticed that he was staring at me the entire class period and smiling and laughing at every little thing I did. This is when I started getting confused and a bit unnerved.
    Then he started doing this thing where he would act really loud and over the top whenever I was around. Again, I know it's only when I'm around because other people take note of it and I've seen how he acts when he doesen't know I'm there. He'll crack really stupid jokes and make loud or obnoxious noises and always continue until I look at him and then he stares at me for a second and then smiles really big and looks away. This happens at least three, four times a day. If I don't look at him he either gets bigger and louder with his jokes and noises or, as has occurred some times, he'll get really quiet and pissed off.
    Then there's this thing he does where I have a locker next to his and he always visits it between classes knowing good and well he has nothing to pick up. I've seen him open his locker, rearrange the materials inside, and then smile and ask me why he keeps coming to his locker if he has nothing in it. Then we talk, which usually goes past the bell and makes us late for class. Still he wants to talk a moment longer before we part. I was absent a few days and when I returned I was informed by my other locker buddy that he didn't visit his locker at all while I was gone. As well he didn't eat lunch with the rest of our friends but instread opted to eat in a study hall alone with his favorite teacher. She told me he said he didn't want to eat at the lunch table because I wasn't there. Then his best girl-friend mentioned that he was really bummed that I wasn't there.
    Beyond that he is super touchy, but then not at all. He high fives and fist bumps and even give massages to his other friends, but around this time he stopped "intentionally" touching me. He goes out of his way to not high five me or first bump me or shake my hand or hold it during assembly or anything. He literally has not a problem doing any of these other things with anyone else. But he does to that whole, "oops, my fingers happened to brush against yours and linger for a moment to long when I handed you the bottle" or the "oops, my legs are intertwined with yours, how clumsy of me" things, often, and sits really close when we sit next to each other so our shoulders or elbows are always touching. I've observed him with others and, again, I'm the only one. I mean we've practically played footsie, but he won't touch me "intentionally"
    And beyond that he gets really nervous and quite when we're alone, just the two or us. He won't look me in the eye and he tries to distract himself. It's actually really odd. Even when waking to class he won't walk alone with me, he either has to walk behind me or ahead. So whenever we've hung out, like when he asked me to the movies last week, he invited a sort of random friend along just to ease the awkwardness of asking me and so that he wouldn't have to sit alone in a movie theater with me. The last time I hung out with him alone was right before Christmas. And we hang out all the time. There's just always been a third party involved now.
    And another thing, and this is recently. He's started getting really protective and defensive and even a bit possessive about me. Like, he gets pissed when I mention hanging out with another friend or having and inside joke with another dude. And he really gets jealous (like, visibly) whenever he sees me having a good time with another dude, like, two week ago. We we're put in separate groups for a project, and, as I noted before he was checking up on me from across the room and I acted like I didn't notice. And he was making noise and smiling when he got my attention and whatever, you know, stuff that's pretty commonplace between us now. But as I gave my male group partner more attention and laughed particularly hard at a certain joke he told, I glanced over to him and saw that he had been watching and this really sour look crossed his face before he looked down and hung his head and got back to work. It was really cute actually, and I'll admit, I was in part attempting to see if it would make him jealous.
    So why am I posting now? Well, yesterday he upped the intensity of all the things listed above to the point where he was flirting pretty heavily and looking at me pretty much the entire day with a really dreamy stare. And he was doing this thing to show odd his body and lifting up his shirt to "flirt" with this one girl next to me but I noticed he was staring at me the whole time and following my eyes as I looked him over and smiled really big when I kind of blushed and looked away. And he kept doing that kind of stuff and being really flirt with me all day. All under the guise of course, of joking. But there were several of us there and he kept his eyes trained on me while he talked about and showed off his body and hair and you know, macho guy stuff. And then after school when I saw him alone he got really quiet and nervous again and literally couldn't make eye contact with me. That's why I'm positing. I mean. There's more I could say, and stuff, he treats me really weird to say the least. And, I'm interested, I think, but I don't know. I only have a week left of school and he's been pressuring me to go to his college (I've already applied that's why I'm at the end of my rope) Is this just normal guy behavior that's just borderline homoerotic and only directed at one person for completely platonic persuits, or something else?:help:
     
  2. IG88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2013
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    I have no clue what your friend's intentions are. It's very all over the place. He acts loud and obnoxious around others, wanting to get your attention, and then when it's just you two he suddenly goes quiet. I'm not sure what to make of it.

    I know you two have spent time together, just you two, but try doing something together where you have an opportunity to talk about deep stuff, not everyday run-of-the-mill kind of things. For example, going to a movie isn't going to work because you're focused on the screen and there's no talking of the movie-goers. But, you can do something you two both enjoy, like go for a run in the woods or play video games or something. Just you two.

    Then, bring up the fact that you've been noticing him staring at you, and have been acting weird depending on if he's around you or other people, etc.. Not that you have a problem with him staring at you or whatever, you'd just like to know why he's always trying to get your attention, and then once he's got it he doesn't do anything with it. Hope this helps!
     
  3. Virthu

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Yeah, I've kind of tried that. But the problem is, that he freaks when ever I try to hang out with him, and he knows it's just going to be the two of us. It's okay if I go over to his house, because of the fact that his brother or sister or parents will be there. But if I were to invite him to do something, just the two of us… well, I can almost guarantee that he'll be incredibly uncomfortable with it… I mean, I don't think he'd say no… But, you know. I don't want to put him in that position either way. But, I agree, I thought that the most absurd thing was the disparity between the way that he treats me when there are others around, even if they aren't directly near us, and when we're completely alone… Where there's no witnesses… haha, sounds ominous. But I don't know, the reason I thought that was interesting this because that's kind of the way that I get, when I'm around someone that they like, & were alone, because I wonder and worry if something will happen. I mean, that might just be me.
     
  4. IG88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2013
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Haha, no witnesses. That is strange. Does he ever spend time with anyone alone? He may have issues with being with one other person, idk if he feels threatened like something bad would happen, or is nervous around the other person, can't think of things to say, etc..

    He also could be hypersensitive if others see him with another dude in public, maybe he thinks that they think he's gay...which is ridiculous of course. Maybe you could start with a group setting, and then you two go somewhere else away from the others.

    For example, you could invite people over to play poker, and make up some reason why your friend needs to stay, like you need to show him something, and then after everyone else leaves you can show him whatever excuse you made up and then talk to him. Don't be like "I need to show you something" and leave it at that ... come up with some legit reason specific to him and replace the word "something" with whatever that is. You know him better than I do. Maybe you can show him some cool opportunity that his college offers, and that he should apply/sign up for it.
     
  5. Virthu

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Yea, that's the idea I guess, the whole, get him alone thing. But it's not that easy, he's REALLY popular. I mean, yea, I'm his best friend and all so we hang out all the time and more than anyone else, but that is one of the reasons it's so hard to get him alone. Hanging out= no problem. But people will always be around in a group setting. I mean, it's possible to get him alone haha. I mean he's not like the president. But before I put in the effort into getting him alone, I just wanted some input on if it's worth the potential friendship ending awkwardness if he doesen't have any feelings at all. Thanks so far though. Ugh. I might just be being difficult.
     
  6. IG88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2013
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    When you do manage to distract his secret service long enough to get him alone, you don't have to tell him that you like him right then :wink:.

    All you want to know is why he acts strange around you. Maybe say that you know that he's been acting weird, staring at you, etc.. Let him know that you're fine with that, and even like the attention, but you were just wondering why. You don't have to tell him you like him, or try to goad him into saying that he likes you, just that he's acting strange, and that you two could hang out more. Let him know that he can trust you with anything he wants to say. I can't see how that could damage your friendship in any way. If he's really resistive or something, then don't push it.

    That would be round 1. Let us know how it goes and if there would be a round 2 where you talk to him about LGBT news or that you like him. Good luck!
     
  7. Virthu

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Ok. Will do. There's several graduation parties coming up soon so I'll see what schemes I can concoct. I'm still unsure what I'm going to say, but hopefully it's coherent and not just word vomit. And if I can't get the courage to do it then I'll ask if he wants to go do archery or something. Believe me, it's a common hobby of ours. But yea, if worst comes to worse ill just be like "Stop acting so weird around me are you gay for me?!?" I'm not completely convinced of anything or rather or not that's a good plan but it's the best so far. Thanks a lot. Any more advice or divined wisdom is always welcomed.
     
  8. IG88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2013
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Cool, since he's popular he will be at a lot of grad parties. The only problem is, there's usually lots of other people at those parties. If the parties go later and there's a bonfire, then there's typically less people, and you could catch him when he's in the house or something.

    Archery is an interesting hobby! If it's the right time, maybe you could make a joke like you're not as straight as this arrow, or you're as straight as this bow. :grin: Or mention that most girls don't do archery (I'm guessing) and that you like it how guys can do certain activities together...w/o girls.

    But! don't get frustrated and go, "Stop acting so weird around me are you gay for me?!?" I can guarantee that he would have a bad reaction to that. It would sound like you're accusing him (which you are) and he's going to get all defensive and go into denial mode.

    You just need to take a deep breath, no need to rehearse a speech, but keep in mind some key points you want to cover with him:
    • He acts differently around others than with you. Why?
    • You enjoy his company and value your friendship
    • You can tell each other anything

    Those points are centered around your concern for his behavior and your friendship, not accusations. It's a one-on-one talk, not an interrogation...(hey, that rhymes).