Today I tried to give a very heart-felt explanation to my grandma about my gender and orientation, and at the end of it she said she would never understand it, but that I just needed to do what made me happy. But it didn't end there... Moments later, she came up to me and told me that I would never be a pretty girl, that I was too tall, too big, had too much body hair, and that I would never find a man because I didn't know how to cook. I tried to explain methods of hair removal, that there are tall women out there, that not all women cook, etc... but she didn't buy it and kept ranting. I almost broke down and cried right in front of her, but instead ran outside to our back porch and am now laying on our swing (even though it's humid as hell out here right now). I did it to get away from her, to be alone because nobody would sit out here in the humidity and bug me. Now that I've calmed down, I'm sharing my story here. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this? How can someone tell someone else to do what makes them happy and then a minute later yell at them and insult them? Does not knowing how to cook make me any less of a woman? Ugh... stupid 1950s housewife mentality. :help:
Do not let her comments get to you. She still loves you no matter what, however, it may take time for her to accept and realize your gender and orientation. Even if she doesn't accept you, she will always love you. Everything is going to be okay. I would just give her some time and space, and let her come to you.
I wish it were that easy. I've been "out" for 8 months or so I think and not too many blow ups like this have happened, and when they did they were never this extreme. It's only because I'm actually starting to do something about it (like wear eyeliner) that this happens.
Everything will be okay, eventually. Just keep doing what makes you happy, and what feels right. People raised with stereotypes often find it hard to believe that there's any sense outside of those stereotypes. Best wishes
She was accepting of it at first because you took her by surprise. Then afterward she thought more about it and the implications of what you told her, and the stereotypes came to mind and that's why her response became more negative. At face value without time to consider it, it didn't seem like a big deal. The more she thought about it, it's probably the fact that gender transformation is somewhat unconventional that bugs her the most. Most part people are old-fashioned, so a female identifying as make it a male identifying as female conflicts with the values and social norms of her generation. The fact of the matter is that she'll either accept your choice and make peace with it, or she won't. Regardless of which path she takes, don't let the views and reactions of others negate the happiness you're getting by accepting yourself and your true identity. Of course we want people to support us, especially family, but don't let the naysayers bring you down. You're bound to meet people who will try to convince you not to be who you are by listing all the adversity you may or may not face, but imagine a lifetime of denying who you truly are and living according to everyone else's expectations. Could you ever truly be happy living that way? I know it's hard because you love her and want her to accept you, but don't let her reaction bring you down. She may still come around. Maybe she just needs more time to think it over, or to see you becoming who you feel you were meant to be, to make peace with it. In any case, what you're doing is admirable. I wish you so much happiness. You deserve it. Good luck.
Oh my gosh... you're so sweet (*hug*) And yeah... them darn naysayers... lol. Um, yeah all I can really do now is hope she will come around. I feel like, as time goes by and I continue to change more, she will start conversations about it, maybe some with negative intentions, maybe some not. But, yeah you're right, I could never be happy living the rest of my life in denial and not doing something about it. I would live and die very sad and depressed, and I can't do that to myself. So, thank you so much for saying I deserve happiness! (*hug*) and thanks for the good luck too lol
