I am a gay fourteen year old male with a problem. Im closeted, nobody knows, and I have a crush on this guy who may or may not be gay. I'll begin by saying I am VERY attracted to him; he's friendly, cute, and not flamboyant or feminine. But not masculine or burly either. Perfect. I honestly have become sad when I learn he isn't at school. And this isn't lust, I want a relationship. Anyways, we both play soccer, have similar morals, go to the same church. He's a Christian. I don't think that plays much in my favor. I also identify as Christian, but I have faith issues considering all this "abomination" stuff. I don't know how I'll work those out. Back to the task at hand: He is gay (with me at least)--- -He smiles or winks at me when i look at him. -He sticks up for me when someone's mean to me (im decently popular but yknow) -he has never talked about liking girls or had a girlfriend -he isnt scared to touch me, but doesnt do it excessively, moreso playfully -I've looked into his eyes when hes talking to me and oh my god its beautiful and hes smiling and looks interested in me -he was the leader in our clash of clans clan and left but made me leader instead of his other friends (woop) -he said we should hang out but never followed up on it -invited me to movies with other (99% straight) guy friend (which i didnt follow up on) He is straight--- -he is a Christian -his friends are all guys (gays hang out with girls stereotype) -doesnt have a distinct "gay" voice -dresses like a regular straight teenage boy (tshirt and gym shorts) -follows sports (mostly soccer) and plays soccer -straight until proven gay principle of society I just dont know if hes being nice to me because im quiet and rarely praised or listened to or if he likes me. I sit next to him at lunch and we talk in English sometimes. Also, if I came out to someone, he'd be the first. To end, I myself truly believe that he's gay and likes me. But love screws with everything. I love him and want but all I have is :icon_red Help.
All of the signs that you've written out unfortunately suggest that he's just a nice Christian boy that wants to make you feel good about yourself (and succeeding at it). If he was questioning his sexuality, in most cases he would be 'scared to touch you' rather than doing it playfully. On the other hand, if he does happen to like you in that way, and if he's 14yo too, there's a good chance that he's trying to make sense of his feelings at the moment and maybe trying to reconcile it with his faith etc. etc. which can be difficult as you know. There won't be an easy way to know until he wants you to know. Maybe you should follow up on the hanging out outside of soccer/school/church and get to know him on a more personal level. Do you know if he's questioning his faith too? That might be a conversation to have (with a segue into finding out why). It's not what you wanted to hear, sorry. Hopefully others here will have other thoughts. Peace be with you.
Thanks, I want to talk to him about this, but I cant bring it up. Also, he has been gone the last two days. No idea where he is. My issue is that I cant ask him about this without jeopardizing our relationship. I've just been hoping he takes an initiative, but thats unlikely. I know there isnt much help for me here but "Just do it". I feel like I should just come out to him, and see if he adds on to that. As for him being Christian, he is NOT homophobic...I think I'd be safe telling him.
Try to see what his views are on things in the news like gay marriage. Coming out would be best because that usually makes the other person comfortable to tell their own sexuality.
Christianity plays no part in ones sexuality. I myself am Christian and Christianity doesnt automatically make me straight. Yes maybe he is more reserved, but there is no clear sign to tell if someone is gay bi etc. Without asking I came out to my crush and he came out to me. (he was my best friend from elementary- we've been dating for about one week now). Its the only way to know. Do it if you want, its all your choice. Best of Luck!
Im going to add some more here. A while ago, we were in a computer lab at school working next to eachother. Earlier, at lunch, he said that we were going to sit next to eachother. So, we did. From what I remember, he told me kinda randomly about how gay guys will lock their arms and shave eachothers faces. Which was a little intriguing. Also, he said that "we havent had a playdate in forever, Fal" (Fal is my nickname and he has a kinda weird but fun personality). So he wanted to hang out. The last thing I remember is him asking me to look at him and see if there was an eyelash on him. There wasnt...we were just looking at eachother for a few seconds. To help confirm this at least looked gay, our other friend gave us a funny look and said "Just making sure nothing gay is happening down there". I dont know what to make of this; I dont know whether he is just being friendly or being suggestive.
Hi Fal, It still sounds like he's just being friendly, sorry. I know it's hard to hear, but all the little hints are pretty normal for 2 straight 14 year olds. If you have to know for sure, you seem to have 3 choices: 1. Wait for him to tell you in his own time 2. Come out to him and hope that he comes out back to you (only you can decide if you're ready for this) 3. Ask him if he is attracted to you (and/or other guys) / i.e. ask him if he is gay None of them are easy options unfortunately. To start with though, you need to become a closer friend with him than you currently are. (Just a friend) Here's a little true story about my past: When I was your age, I used to go camping with my mates all the time and spent the night next to each other alone in a tent. On these camping trips, we would share secrets and play truth or dare, or poker or just talk about anything and everything. Looking back at those days, it feels a little bit like I was "tricking" my friends into adventurous stuff and secret telling under the disguise of "camping". I kind of knew that my friends were going through puberty too, so knew they were probably willing and often actually keen to have these kinds of experiences, just like I was. Apparently a high percentage of straight guys "experiment" with each other in their early teens, we all learnt this in personal development / health class at school. I won't suggest you do anything like that though, you're much more sensible and you're living in a completely different situation and timeframe, but felt it was somehow relevant. Not sure how.. Anyway, peace be with you.
Everything I read says, to me, that's he just trying to be a good friend. Nothing in your "he is gay" list screams gay to me. And everything in your "he is straight" list is stereotypes. Now, he may be gay, or he may not be. But when kindness comes from your crush, it's very easy to confuse that with flirting. Plus he's young, you both are, and IF he is gay, it's very possible that he hasn't even realized it yet. And religion has nothing to do with sexuality. Nor does a lack of a girlfriend at 14 years old.
There's no evidence to clearly suggest that he is gay OR straight. You need to somehow get more information out of him. Like mangotree said, an option is to come out to him. Personally, I would try getting a bit closer to him as a friend before doing this. For two reasons: 1) If you two are close friends, you'll both feel more comfortable with you coming out (you will feel safe to do it, he'll understand and accept you for who you are) 2) You get to make a friend! I mean, he's probably already your friend, but you get to be close friends... which can be really meaningful. Even if he's straight, you end up with a close friend, which ain't a bad thing. It also gives you time to get to know him and decide if you really would want to be with him. I think the best way to do this would be to follow up on those dates you mentioned. Invite him to do stuff outside of school and spend a lot of time with each other. Being occasionally touchy, subtly flirting or bringing up LGBT topics could also help give you some insight in the meantime. I hope you get an answer soon
He also typed "I'm gay" into my computer and playfully whispered, "You can tell me". Im at the point now that if im with him safe and alone im telling him im gay. But for now, if the conversation allows it, I'll try to bring up LGBT topics. Thanks for the advice, I'll keep you guys updated.
Playfully or seriously? It seems as if he is trying to come out to you but wants to see your reaction first. I suggest asking if he is gay, and see how he reacts. It may be impulsive, but if you two are good friends, he will tell you the truth. You can add on the "I respect you no matter what". Best of luck!
He still might be straight and only suspecting you're gay. But, what he said is a pretty good indicator you could talk to him. Your plan sounds good.
GOOD NEWS UPDATE He chose to work with me on a project over his two other friends. But im a lot smarter than his friends, so. He wrote, "why do Fals always like men" on his computer. He also said that he respects me as a person and friend. He said it rather seriously, but it was completely random. I think he would accept me even more now... I have tomorrow and into next week with him on this project, so I can get closer to him.
CONCERNING NEWS My gay "friend" told me about how my crush and one of his friends was making fun of him and bullying him for being gay. Which is weird because my crush is the nicest person I've yet to meet. this happened at the beginning of the school year, so could he have changed a bit? I dont know. Was it peer pressure? (trying to hide his sexuality by making fun of gay kids, maybe?) I really need to bring up some LGBT stuff and see his thoughts on em.
It could be peer pressure, but you also only know one side of the story. In any case, it's less risky to ask him about LGBT topics first. Since you play soccer, you could mention sports-related stories like Michael Sam or Robbie Rogers.
