Hello again, about two months ago I wrote about the issues I had a work with a guy who was very closeted. Yesterday he came to me and said he was tired of fighting and wanted to call a truce, he said we should go get some drinks and talk about things. This later changed to me going to his place insted , I went in with honest intentions of talking and what not. We talked for about an hour and, he said things like " I'm not into relationships", I don't care if people know I'm gay", and " work is work , I don't want people knowing my personal life with u" he proceeded to be a little hands on with me at which point I told him to stop or I might kiss him. To which he replied I never said u couldn't. He then made me pinky swear to be friends and then proceeded to throw me on the floor and have his way with me. He wants to be FWB and keep it all a secret, but within one day has distanced hisself from me and pretty much ignores and calls or texts from me. I'm starting to worry that I was just a comfort screw , and that it was jealously on his part of me going on several dates durning the time we weren't talking. I'm not really sure what to do here anymore.
Well, I think he made his intentions very clear. I suspect if you txt'd him that you wanted to hookup, you'd probably get a response. If you want to continue with it, then enjoy it. If not, walk away and just ignore his advances... My question to you is why are you chasing after him? Was his "disagreements" with you a mask because he like(s/d) you? What advice are you looking for?
I'm chasing after him cause I have serious feelings, I think he is slowly coming around to me, but wants to keep it FWB , and the issue was that people had found out about our little fling. I guess I want to hope we can be together but I'm slowly starting to feel like I'm creeping on him.
oh sorry dude, thats happened to you, yea i think you were just a screw but, if you want an answer try texting him saying you want to hook up
I have hooked up with him several times when I try to just hang out he always says he's busy , he is very friendly at work and all and we have just hung out several times , but most times he ignores me if I'm not talking about sex , he has even told me he is busy when I've asked to hook up.
Sounds to me like he's being pretty clear but you don't want to hear it. Fwb is all about maintaining boundaries. I'm not sure I believe its possible to keep up in the long term because usually one person would prefer a more romantic relationship but is choosing to ''take what they can get''. And there's nothing wrong with taking what you can get, just don't expect him to text you all day if he doesn't want to, after all your just friends.....with benefits
Sounds about right, though I feel like there's not even a friendship there, sometimes he will go for days without talking to me. In all it's just confusing I want him to see how I feel I've told him before but he always shakes it off. He also has not been with anyone other than me for months , which seems strange to me.
This is the main problem with FWB. One person most of the time falls. Plus if you have told him you want to talk about being more. He may just be using you to get what he wants. He knows that you will come to him if he calls so he does when he wants something. It sounds like he's stringing you on. I'd say just break off all contact outside of work. If after a while he wants to talk do that but only talk. It sounds like if you keep it up you could get hurt way more than if you just cut all extra contact now.
This really just sounds like a hook-up relationship than FWB, and you have every right to feel used. He doesn't really respect you, treating you like a toy that he can play with or lock away whenever he wants. I agree that you should stop all contact outside work. The primary problem is that you're out and he's not. So, you can never be equals until he steps up to the plate.
Sadly, resu is right, we've been friends for several years but now i feel as if I'm just his toy, and i worry that if i cut out the sexual nature, we won't be able to go back to the way things were before.
Remember, he's the one who was so eager to have sex. Besides, you being out means you have little to fear.
