Okay, so there is this boy, and we're going to call him L. He lives in California and I live in Georgia. He is trans*. He is my best friend. We tell each other literally everything, and it's like we know each other in real life. Last night I basically told him I was in love with him, but he has a girlfriend. And I was friends with his girlfriend, but she read the messages and now she hates me. And I feel like a really shitty person, but he is the only person I have ever connected with on such a deep level. I think the easiest thing to do is just to stop talking to him like my dad wants, but I just really don't know what to do. We've known each other for five months now, and he means so much to me. I just feel like I keep ruining things for him. What am I even supposed to do?
I fail to see how that makes you a bad person in any way. Unless you told him he should break it off with his girlfriend, in which case yeah... Seriously, admitting your feelings is hard to do but sometimes it needs doing. It's not like you made him choose, you just let him know. If his girlfriend hates you for it...frankly, to hell with her.
Well, it was implied because I was talking to him before he started dating his girlfriend. And he actually thought about asking me out multiple times but he decided against it because he knew if his current girlfriend broke up with her now ex that he would want to go with her. And he actually considered breaking it off, but decided against it because he loves her and stuff. And it's just frustrating. And I told him this morning it would be easier to just stop talking because my dad hates me for talking to him. And then he was like "that won't make anything better." But for me, it would once i get over him. Which I currently cannot do considering we speak constantly. And he talks to me more than he talks to his girlfriend.
OK so let me get this straight. YOU knew the guy first. You are best friends and developed feelings for him. You told the guy your feelings. With that comes the obvious sentiment that you want to be in a relationship but you didn't expressly say that to him. HE, completely of his own accord, considers breaking it off with his girlfriend to be with you. HE considered it in his own mind, with his own thoughts ON HIS OWN. Then he decided against it because he loves his girlfriend. But for some reason you feel like YOU did something wrong? Seriously, how many times have you heard someone give out the advice "It's hard to get over someone if you don't admit to them that you have feelings for them, because you'll always wonder 'what if?' " You can't feel bad about that, you did what you needed to do for your own sanity. Now as for getting over the guy. Actually, I can relate. I fell completely for one of my best friends a while back. I mean I fell HARD. I told her, she rejected me and then almost immediately started dating my best friend. Now I'm not telling you that because I want sympathy, I'm telling you that because I have not stopped being friends with her in all this time and I never intend to, even though I am completely over her. You can get over someone and still talk to them. It's hard, but you know what, losing a good friend is harder. If you had a crush on someone you barely knew, not speaking to them is easy. You don't lose anything by avoiding someone you barely know. But a really good friend, a BEST friend? That's going to hurt both of you in ways you can't imagine. My point is, getting over people takes time. You don't even have to put in a lot of effort. All you want to to is realise that your feelings still mean you can be good friends, but you need to seek out intimacy somewhere else. That takes time. If you TRY and force yourself to get over someone, you will force yourself to look for negativity and damage your relationship. Just something to think about.
