Does my dad hate homosexuality or the 'gay lifestyle'?

He is purely homophobic. He wouldn't have made those statements about your future partner if it was merely about stereotypes; though he actions aren't acceptable either way. Whether he holds judgment for stereotypicallu gay men or homosexuality in general, there is no reason for his attitude.

The idea of accepting homosexuals, but judging those that fall into stereotypes is no less ignorant.

 

My dad is rather homophobic as well, and my mom is a lot like yours.

I think (being out to my family), that my father is comforted by the fact that I'm not out flaunting myself femininely in front of men and wearing pink scarves and joining cheer leading.

Your dad sounds a lot more homophobic than mine, but yes... I do think it would help your father come to terms with the fact that you are indeed gay by assuring him and proving it to him that you're not what society views a gay man as.

 

I don't know what you expected, nor how you found my post insensitive when you admit to his actions being ignorant. If you thought that I was judging your family, then understand that there is no judgment on my part. There are plenty of individuals in my family who share those same mindsets. Although I still wish them the best to some degree, I have no problem with admitting that the beliefs that they hold are indeed ignorant and detrimental to others. Regardless, as I said earlier:

This line makes it clear that he doesn't want to accept your sexuality no matter how you express yourself. My point in speaking on the morality of his mindset is that if this type of attitude is something that he holds to other demographics as well, then it might be best to accept that you will often receive narrow minded views from him. It's a sad fact of life, but it is just the case with some people.

 

I don't think assuring him you wouldn't act like other gay guys would help. If anything you would only be reaffirming his notions about gay people--which would likely prevent him ever accepting you. I think, in fact, that gay people that do that in general--compare themselves unfavorably to "all those queens"--do the community and themselves more disservice than they realize. I think they put it out there that being gay is something to be ashamed of where someone can pick it up and say basically "see even gay people think it's something to be ashamed of," and then they wonder why the people around them don't accept the fact that they are gay. I don't think in their heart of hearts that most straight people are able to fully separate you as a gay person from "gay people." Every time you speak disapprovingly of gay people you give the people around you permission to think badly of you. If you really want the people around you to not have a problem with gay people the first step is to stop telescoping the idea that you have a problem with gay people.

 

Any progress?

 

People who appear homophobic Vs how they are after I come out to them always surprises me (so far). It certainly looks like homophobia on the surface, but it's difficult to know for sure, 100% of the time.

Personally, I think it depends on how loving your father is and whether fear or love is the strongest force inside him.

My Dad was really homophobic and used horrible language and "offensive" names (poof, fag, limp wrists etc..).
After coming out though, he confided in me that the cause was his fear, ignorance, inexperience and basically never actually knowing any gay people personally (before me that is).

He still doesn't really understand why some gay guys are camp and others aren't, but now days he's the kind of person that doesn't care if he doesn't understand something and accepts it until he has the knowledge to decide one way or the other. Doesn't look like your Dad is that way though, which probably makes my entire post a moot point.
Just an alternate angle anyway.

Hope it hasn't confused you even more.

Peace be with you.