Unbearable desire

So...you don't have any contact with any males from church? It's okay to give girls hugs, and guys hugs (or most of the time, the bro hug). That's where physical contact comes in, and maybe this need for contact will decrease if you feel more comfortable doing platonic contacts (or trying your best to make it platonic in your mind).

No, you won't ever not know what it feels like to be held and feel safe. This will come from your future bf, who would also be gay/bi. Perhaps there's a couple gay or bi guys at your church...however, for now platonic contact with people will suffice.

The more important thing here is to enjoy each others' company, and get some good fellowship time in with fellow believers.

 

I agree with the platonic contact. You probably feel this way for several reasons. For one thing, due to being homeschooled you probably didn't have much contact and interaction with other people, especially ones around your age, so you probably are craving that kind of contact. Attending school is how kids, adolescents, and teens learn their social skills. I'm not saying you haven't learned how to socialize, I'm just saying you don't have the amount of experience with peer interactions that kids who weren't homeschooled have, and that could be part of the reason why you feel such a strong desire to touch others when you're around them.

Another reason you may be feeling this way is because you feel like you can't let your sexuality be known to your fellow parishioners, which is making you overtly aware of your attractions and desires and making them harder to ignore. It's kind of like someone saying, "Don't look behind you" and you immediately want to turn and look behind you simply because they've told you not to, which causes you to wonder what it is behind you that you shouldn't see. And if this is the case, then unfortunately there's not a lot of advice I can give you. It's not like I can say, "Well, just stop being attracted to other attractive guys!" That wouldn't be helpful. The only advice I can give you is to try to make peace with these feelings. When you're sitting next to a guy you think is hot, just say to yourself... "Yes, he's very good-looking. Unfortunately, it's not appropriate to touch him the way I'd like to. I could introduce myself and give him a bro-hug and wish him well, which is something church-goers say and do with each other. That will have to be good enough." And then you can say hello, introduce yourself, give him a bro-hug, and maybe then you won't be so fixated on touching him and craving that contact.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful, but I hopes this helps to some extent. Good luck!