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Is this normal in relationships?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sotv, May 24, 2014.

  1. Sotv

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    So I've been with my boyfriend for just over five months now and have had a great time however he occasionally has day(s) where he becomes very uncommunicative e.g. replies with a few words or doesn't attempt to make conversation. At first it worried me but I learned to accept some people need space.the problem is that it seems to happen more and more frequently recently and he's also stopped wanting to have sex (we are still doing everything up to it though).
    I'm starting to worry that maybe I bore him, have become unattractive or he just doesn't really like me the same way anymore.
    In the past I've bought up the lack of communication and he's immediately tried to correct it but I guess old habits die hard...he's not exactly busy all day and night so if we haven't seen eachother properly for a while it'd be nice for him to make an effort to talk to me... It's beginning to make me not only feel bad about myself but embarrassed to keep trying to make conversation cus I feel desperate and needy.

    I guess I'm wondering what you guys make of this all input would be appreciated...
     
  2. DangerAlex

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    Well this isn't very much to go on, but are you familiar with the expression "the honeymoon phase is over"?

    Five months isn't very long, but you're to the point now where you've probably gotten pretty comfortable with each other. It could be that your relationship feels more solid and concrete to him and that he no longer feels that he needs to "woo" you. This happens in pretty much all relationships, where after a point things will kind of slow down and cool off a little bit. Usually this is a mutual thing that happens on both sides, but I'd imagine if one side is a little more "needy" (for lack of a better term) than the other, then it would feel like a loss of interest or attraction.

    You say you've mentioned the lack of communication and he's tried to correct his, but have you expressed to him how his lack of communication and decreased libido have been making you feel? If I were you, I would talk to him about that; tell him that when he's very short and distant with you conversationally, and when he seems to so frequently be uninterested in sex, it makes you feel like you bore him, or that's he's no longer attracted to you, or that he doesn't like you as much anymore.

    I feel like he still feels for you and sees you the same as he did before you noticed these changes; if what you felt was true, he wouldn't have made any effort to improve his communication (albeit temporarily) and he may have broken things off by now. It's very possible that your relationship has merely progressed out of the honeymoon phase, which has a way of making a relationship feel less passionate than before. Like I said, you should talk to him about how these changes are making you feel. It's clear he's willing to work on them, so maybe knowing how they affect you will make him try harder or otherwise find ways to let you know he still cares about you as much as he always did.

    Hope this helps. Good luck!
     
  3. Peacemaker

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    Realy is that what its called the "honeymoon phase" in that case i would like to discussion something with you?:help:
     
  4. DangerAlex

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    Well I've heard it referred to as "the honeymoon phase" colloquially, but it's not like a scientific term per say. If you want a little more information on the honeymoon phase and the changes you may feel when it's over, check this out.
     
  5. Peacemaker

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    ok thanx i guess but wanted to ask cause i kinda have this issue where i get into a relationship with a guy, weeks later i kind of withdraw while still having feelings for him, like a lack of interest break it off because i think i wont be able to really like him, love as i take the no interest as a sign of a car falling off a cliff (the relationship is the car)and instantly feel bad and depressed
     
  6. Wuggums47

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    I think that if you wanted to use a scientific, or more precise term it would probably be infatuation. Infatuation is different from actual love, and it's not until after infatuation is over that you can see if true love is there. 6 months is a very normal amount of time before the chemicals responsible for it leave your brain and become replaced with new ones. It's not a loss of passion, just a shift that occurs in every long lasting relationship. It''s worth noting that the chemical effects of the seratonin in the brain from infatuation are very similar to what goes on in the minds of a person with OCD.

    I suppose this isn't the most romantic view of how we fall in love, but brain chemistry is responsible for almost every thought process we have.
     
  7. DangerAlex

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    I guess it's POSSIBLE that that's the honeymoon phase, but the honeymoon phase--as I've experienced it and heard it discussed--usually lasts at least a few months. If you're starting a relationship and then a couple weeks later you're ending it when you feel somewhat less interested, then it sounds to me like you're entering relationships with people you're crushing on or lusting after, then once your feelings start to "settle" you feel like you still like them, but maybe not as much as you thought you would or should, and so you end it.

    So I don't quite think that it's the honeymoon phase ending in your case. I think it seems like you're jumping into relationships too quickly. My advice is, instead of rushing into a relationship, take a month or two to really get to know someone before deciding to be in a relationship with them. Let your crush "settle" so you can decide how you really feel about the other person, and then you can decide whether you want to be in a relationship with them instead of meeting them, jumping into a relationship when you realize you have a crush on them, and then ending the relationship a couple weeks later when the crush gives way to luke warm feelings.

    Does that make sense? I hope this helps.
     
  8. DangerAlex

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    Woops, double post.

    ---------- Post added 24th May 2014 at 06:15 PM ----------

    Good call. I wasn't thinking of the word "infatuation," but this is pretty much a better-explained version of what I was trying to get at.
     
  9. Peacemaker

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    :slight_smile: ok yes thank you dude, that REALLY made sense ok i might try that