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I love you, but i'm not in love with you.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Lovedenied, May 26, 2014.

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  1. Lovedenied

    Lovedenied
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    Hi guys,

    I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year and a half. The fact is that, about 2/3 months ago i started to lose my feelings for him. Problem is that it came to the point where i don't even feel like kissing him or having sex with him... The worst part is that I’m moving to the UK in about a month to work (since i can't find a job in my country as a nurse) and he'll join me 3 months later. He even started to take an English course because he can't speak English. I don't know if I’m really losing interest or if it has to do with all the stress of leaving my family and friends and country to work in another place where I’ve never been... He's the least of my concerns right now.
    For about 1 year he wasn't the best boyfriend. He lied, he was always breaking up with me when he was mad. i don’t know if my feelings for him got less intense because of all those things... But lately, since i changed and since i give him less attention he has become a sweet person. a loving boyfriend... He spent money and time on that English course and I don't really want to hurt him. I'm afraid i love him but I’m not in love with him.
     
    #1 Lovedenied, May 26, 2014
  2. Story Jinx

    Story Jinx
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    It would make sense that your feelings would fade away because of all you've been through with him.
    That's how my last relationship ended.
    Not wanting to kiss him or have sex with him is a big sign that something's wrong.

    I think you still can work on the relationship if he changed, but I'd say, don't make leave everything being to join you if you're not 100% sure you want to go on with him.
     
    #2 Story Jinx, May 26, 2014
  3. wanderinggirl

    wanderinggirl
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    Oh wow. It sounds like he was incredibly inconsiderate at a time when wayyy more important things were going on in your life; no wonder your feelings faded. Question: when he comes to England do you think he'll be lying and breaking up with you whenever he feels like it? You guys are going to make a big life choice; what if it doesn't feel right to stay together and you end up wanting to end things? Will he be stuck in a new country without a job and without you?

    Maybe you're in love with him maybe you aren't. I have used the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line so many times, but it's always a way to justify my lack of true romantic feelings when my needs were not being met. For this reason it's one of the least helpful phrases I've ever used to describe my feelings, if that makes sense, because it's all about removing guilt from myself. I don't know if it's the same for you, but try to explore why you feel this way.
     
    #3 wanderinggirl, May 26, 2014
  4. stocking

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    I think you should tell him the truth
     
    #4 stocking, May 26, 2014
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